Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters review

Today I look at the violent fantasy-horror film based on the famous Hansel and Gretel folk tale.

Hansel and Gretel, Witch Hunters:
Another film supposed to be released last year that was pushed back to January, this film has been getting tons of shit from critics. I can't understand why. It's a fun, humorous, balls-to-the-walls, gory, violent popcorn movie. The plot is simple: Hansel and Gretel grow up to e witch hunters after their first encounter with a witch in the candy house. They must face off against Muriel, a powerful witch who has gathered all dark witches to celebrate the "Blood Moon". They must team up with a beautiful woman, a fanboy, and a troll to stop the witches, all while avoiding Muriel and the corrupt sheriff of the rown they're protecting. The cast includes Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker, 28 Weeks Later, Mission Impossible- Ghost Protocol, The Bourne Legacy, The Town, The Avengers), Gemma Arterton (Prince of Persia, Quantum of Solace), and Famke Janssen (Goldeneye, Nip/Tuck, X-Men). Yes, two Bond girls in this movie. Derek Mears, who protrayed Jason in 2009's Friday the 13th, provides motion capture for the troll: Edward, while Robin Atkin Downes (voice-actor in games such as Assassin's Creed III, Team Fortress 2, Halo 2, Skyrim, and Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception) provides Edward's voice. Thomas Mann (Project X, It's Kind of a Funny Story, Fun Size) plays the loyal fanboy Ben, who wishes to be a witch hunter. Peter Stormare plays the villainous sheriff, who believes he rptoects the law by harassing the witch hunters. Zoe Bell makes a cameo as a witch. The direction is stylized, and the director (Tommy Wirkola) was responisble for the fun German zombie movie Dead Snow. The action in the film is near non-stop. The film also has some cool concepts such as steampunk-like technology such as semi-automatic crossbows and shotguns. Another interesting concept is a diabetes-like disease that Hansel has. The opening credits sequence is also really stylized and cool. The characters are a bit one-dimensional, but that doesn't detract from the kick-ass action which provides buckets of blood and gore. The world in which the film inhabits is kind of interesting, so hopefully it gets a sequel. The villains are really threatening, and the film provides so,e mild scares and chills, but this never detracts from the ever-present sense of humor. Although the acting isn't that good, the film makes you not care. Not saying that these people aren;t good actors, which they are, but the dialgoue is a bit choppy at bits. While it has it's flaws, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters is a fun, gruesome, violent popcorn film that has some great setpieces and a few good laughs. 4/5 stars.
(Editorial note, March 26, 2013: After further thought and a re-watching, I bring my rating down to 3 stars, for schlock value,)

(Images: Goole and Wikipedia)

The Last Stand: Arnold's enertaining comeback becomes a box office flop

Unfortunately, Arnold Schwarzenegger's been having a tough time. After his controversial affair with his maid, he has had a tough time with his plan to get back to stardom. After making numerous small appearances in films like The Expendables, he finally has his own movie, and....it completely flopped.

The Last Stand:
Although this film was a box office flop, it's actually quite entertaining. It's violent, bloody, adrenaline-filled fun. Arnold is back, and his role as the bad-ass but kind sheriff suits him perfectly. The plot follows a small town sheriff teaming with some FBI agents to take down a Mexican drug lord who is in a super-fast car heading towards the Mexican border, but when he crosses the sheriff's path, trying to cut through his town, he learns that the sheriff doesn't go down without a fight. That's as simple as it gets. Other cast members include Johnny Knoxville (whose role is smaller than advertised, but still he delivers laughs), Jaimie Alexander (Kyle XY, Thor), Award-winner Forest Whitaker (who is the person who should get second-billing, rather than Knoxville), Rodrigo Santoro (Lost, 300, I love You Phillip Morris), Zach Gilford (Friday Night Lights), Luiz Guzman (known as a favorite of great directors like Steven Soderberg, appearing in Traffic, and Paul Thomas Anderson, appearing in Boogie Nights, Magnolia, and Punch-Drunk Love, also acting in HBO's How to Make it in America, and voicing characters in Grand Theft Auto), Peter Stormare (Fargo, Armageddon, Get the Gringo, Wilfred, Weeds, Hawaii Five-0, Seinfeld, Bad Boys II, 8MM), and Spanish film actor Eduardo Noriega. With all this talent behind it, how did this film flop? Was it because of Arny's recent scandals and old age? Some of his lines in here are his best in years. Was it because of the 10-year gap between this and his last leading role in Terminator 3? Whatever it is, I hope the film gets a cult following on DVD and Blu-ray. The film has near non-stop action, and features everything you could hope for: a small beginning shoot-out, chases on foot, car chases, highway chases, fist-fights, large shootouts, and an epic ending confrontation between hero and villain. The shootouts are bloody and spectacular, the car chases are intense, and the acting is, acceptable at best. Best you don't see this movie for the drama and acting skills, you see it for the one-liners and mind-blowing action. The humor in the film is also very effective. Johnny Knoxville provides some slapstick, Arnold provides one-liners, and the townsfolk are just really funny, especially the diner customers and the antique store owner. The film itself is very predictable, but like Gangster Squad, the simplicity has a charm to it, and like Squad, it's stylized, but in a different way. Instead of the super slow-motion, sleek, Zack Snyder way of stylizing, it's the gritty, bloody, brutal, Robert Rodriguez type of stylized. With it's colorful characters, simple plot, bloody and stylized violence, fun action sequences, and effective humor make The Last Stand a great Schwarzenegger film, and great for anyone who just wants a ball-to-the-wall, leave-your-brain-at-the-door movie. 3.5/5 stars.

         (Image: Wikipedia)