R.I.P. Robin Williams: The world loses one of it's best performers

Yesterday, in the late afternoon, the world lost Robin Williams, one of it's best actors and comedians. Known for his energetic style, many didn't know Williams spent years struggling with alcoholism and drug abuse, which led to bouts of depression. Eventually, this depression and constant battle with alcohol and drugs finally led Williams to commit suicide in his home in Marin County, which is near where I live. This hit hard for me and everyone else, as Williams was a beloved performer and is considered one of the kindest celebrities, as well as one of the most talented. He also, like I said, lived in the area where I live so people I knew (including my dad) had run into him several times over the years and said he was a great guy from the short time they met him. He will be sorely missed and I hope that he's finally found peace.

                                                                  Robin Williams
                                                                    1951-2014
                                                                      (age: 63)
                                                               
                                                    (Image: Wikipedia)

Top 50 Movies of All Time: Volume 5

Today, I'll be counting down my top 10 movies of all time. Again, let's go over the criteria...

Criteria:
Personal opinion
No TV movies or miniseries
I am able to shove an entire series or trilogy into one slot, or tie two films

10. Terminator 2- Judgement Day: In James Cameron's epic action/science fiction film, the T-800 from the original film is sent back to protect a teenaged John Connor from the chilling and cold T-1000, a liquid metal terminator. He must reluctantly team with the jaded Sarah Connor to do so. This movie is one of the few sequels to top the already exceptional original in every way. Arnold Schwarzenegger is perfect to play a monotone, emotionless killing machine, and although Edward Furlong can get a bit annoying, he generally does a fair job as John. Linda Hamilton pulls a complete character 180 as Sarah, going from damsel-in-distress to hardened and slightly crazed survivalist. Her distrust of machines leads to friction between her and the T-800, but she realizes he has changed after being reprogrammed to protect humans, and is sort of like a father figure to John. The special effects and action sequences are still impressive today, and the ending is a little heartbreaking, with the T-800 sacrificing himself to protect humanity and understanding human emotions. It's an action movie with ideas, and that's hard to find nowadays, so it's definitely worth re-watching.



9. Toy Story: Pixar's debut feature is not only a timeless classic, but was also a blockbuster success and extremely innovative for the time, being the first fully CG-animated movie. The directing by John Lasseter was time-consuming and stressful, but it paid off in the long run. The screenplay by Joss Whedon (Buffy, Firefly, The Avengers, The Cabin in the Woods), Andrew Stanton (a Pixar regular), Joel Cohen, and Alec Sokolow is excellent and original, and the characters are memorable and iconic. The voice acting by Tim Allen and Tom Hanks is fantastic, as well, especially since those two are more known for live-action work. Jim Varney (Ernest), John Ratzenberger, Wallace Shawn, and Don Rickles also have voices as Slinky, Ham, Rex, and Mr. Potato Head, respectively. Pixar regulars like Phil Proctor and Andrew Stanton have voice cameos, as does magician and skeptic Penn Jillette. The animation may not look "amazing" by today's standards, but for the time it was mind-blowing, and although I don't really like Randy Newman's music, the song "You've Got a Friend in Me" is at least tolerable. If yo haven't seen this one yet, then go see it as soon as you can.



8. The Nightmare Before Christmas: Henry Selick and Tim Burton's stop-motion collaboration is not only a technical feat but also a favorite of mine to watch around both Halloween and Christmas. Although I'm not huge on musicals, the songs in this film are interestingly offbeat and original, and the character designs and environments are iconic and twisted. The visual style is cool and shadowy (some of Burton's best design work), and the story is refreshingly original. Not to give too much credit to Burton, though, as Selick was the man behind the camera this time, and he does a fantastic job with the stop-motion, which is an incredibly intricate, time-consuming, and difficult type of animation, especially for a feature. I would recommend this movie to pretty much everyone. It's a modern classic, and is a great holiday movie. It's actually great for almost any time of the year.



7. The Wizard of Oz: This 1939 musical is one of the most beloved classics of all time. Despite the fact that the dialogue isn't necessarily "brilliant", the visuals are iconic and beautiful, the characters are surprisingly relatable, and the acting isn't that bad for a 30's movie, where over-acting was the norm. The music is also really catchy and you won't meet a person who isn't at least familiar with most of it, especially "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", which is still popular today. The villainous Wicked Witch, portrayed by Margaret Hamilton, is one of the most recognizable villains of all time, and has been frightening (or at least unnerving) young children for over 70 years. It's a flawed movie, but one that stands the test of time, and will be loved by each new generation.



6. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly (tie): I couldn't decide between these two excellent films. (Well, these four excellent movies.)
The former is Peter Jackson's epic and sprawling fantasy trilogy based off the writings of the great J.R.R. Tolkien. Despite having a ton of characters to follows, and huge scope (which may cause confusion for some viewers trying to keep track of it), these movies can be enjoyed by almost everyone. The casting is pretty spot-on, and the acting is excellent. The stand-outs are Sir Ian McKellen (Gandalf), Elijah Wood (Frodo, although sometimes Frodo's whining gets a bit annoying), Andy Serkis (Gollum/Smeagol, which is a great mo-cap performance), Hugo Weaving (Elrond), Sean Astin (Sam), Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn), Christopher Lee (Saruman), and Sean Bean (Boromir). The special effects and sets are awe-inspiring, and the action sequences are epic. The films take liberties with the source material, but overall it's very accurate to the novels. I would recommend the extended editions to be viewed at least once, and also the theatrical versions just for comparison.
The latter is Sergio Leone's classic western film which concludes the Man With No Name Trilogy, aka the Dollars Trilogy. Another epic of another kind, it follows Clint Eastwood as the titular Man with No Name, aka "Blondie", who is the "Good" of the film. He is a bounty hunter on a quest for a buried treasure somewhere in the desert, but is pursued by two other cowboys: "Angel Eyes", aka "The Bad", who is a cold-blooded and sadistic mercenary/assassin; and Tuco, aka "The Rat", or "The Ugly", a funny, sometimes treacherous Mexican criminal wanted by the authorities, who briefly teams with Blondie. Eastwood gives a cool and iconic performance as the roguish Blondie, while Lee Van Cleef delivers a sometimes chilling portrayal of the villainous Angel Eyes, and Eli Wallach provides some comic relief and proves to be a real threat at times. The film is packed with bad-ass action scenes, and the ending stand-off is one of the best scenes in any western, or any film. This is Leone's masterpiece, and it's topped off with a rousing and memorable musical theme by Ennio Morricone.



5. Die Hard: In John McTiernan's action classic, Bruce Willis fills in the role of the iconic John McClane, a New York City cop visiting Los Angeles to spend Christmas with his estranged wife and kids, as the wife moved out to pursue a job opportunity out west. When the building his wife works in gets taken hostage by terrorists during a Christmas party, McClane evades capture and decides to take down the terrorists single-handedly from the inside. Willis' performance is bad-ass and likable. In this film, McClane is portrayed as the everyday guy, not the unstoppable force of nature he becomes in later film, which makes him a lot more relatable. Alan Rickman's portrayal of terrorist ringleader Hans Gruber is excellent, definitely the most evil and intelligent villain in 80's action cinema. The rest of the cast is filled with greats like Reginald VelJohnson and Paul Gleason from The Breakfast Club (who is great at playing arrogant douchebags). The action is thrilling and fast-paced, and the dialogue is quotable and funny. It's just a fun movie all-around, definitely worth checking out several times.



4. Goodfellas and The Usual Suspects (tie): These two crime films are different, but both great in their own ways. First, Goodfellas:
Martin Scorsese's violent crime film follows the real-life story of Henry Hill, a half-Italian, half-Irish guy who is attracted to the mafia way of life from an early age, and eventually becomes a big name in the local mob. Despite changing the names of many characters, it's pretty true-to-life and portrays an anti-hero who rises to the top of the gangster world and falls hard, and learns nothing from it. Showcasing amazing actors such as Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci, and Paul Sorvino, with the middle two being the real stars of the show. Some other famous actors (Samuel L. Jackson, Debi Mazar, and Tobin Bell of Saw fame) appear in small roles (Bell's is a cameo) before they were famous. Scorsese's parents (Catherine and Charles) appear in cameos as Joe Pesci's character Tommy's mother and the character Vinnie, respectively. Real Detective Ed Deacy has a minor role as himself. This all-star cast, plus Scorsese's attention-to-detail, and the quotable dialogue and violent but funny characters make Goodfellas a pleasurable viewing no matter how many times I watch it. Not to mention the killer soundtrack featuring classic artist from genres ranging from 50's soft rock/pop to 70's counterculture rock.
Bryan Singer's first major movie is a twisty, unique crime film based around police interrogations and flashbacks. After a deal on a shipping boat in San Pedro Bay goes sour, only two survivors are left: a Hungarian criminal who is left with crippling burns all over his body, and a simple-minded criminal with a gimpy leg named Verbal Kint, who relays his story on the events leading up to said deal. He reveals a fantastical story involving a mythical Turkish crime boss known as Keyser Soze. Can he be trusted? Is Soze real or just a ghost story made up by criminals to scare each other? Those are the burning questions in this taut and smart crime-thriller/mystery movie. The cast, made up of Gabriel Byrne, Chazz Palminteri, Benicio Del Toro, Stephen Baldwin, Kevin Spacey (who won the Oscar for his role as Verbal), Kevin Pollack, and Pete Postlethwaite, and Giancarlo Esposito (Breaking Bad, Do the Right Thing), is excellent, especially considering this was kind of a sleeper hit. To get all those names was an impressive feat. This is the movie that shot both Singer and Spacey to stardom. The script by Christopher McQuarrie (who often collaborates with Singer and actor Tom Cruise, and wrote and directed cult hit The Way of the Gun and surprisingly good action flick Jack Reacher) is witty and keeps you guessing until the end. The screenplay earned it a second Oscar. All these elements blend together to make one of the best movies of the 1990s, and one of the best crime films ever.



3. The Dark Knight Trilogy/Nolan Trilogy and the Indiana Jones Trilogy (tie): Again, a tie. Sorry for having so many, but I couldn't decide which awesome trilogy to go with.
First, the Nolan trilogy:
These epic superhero films present a darker and more realistic Batman for a new generation. Gone are the sidekicks, silly villains, and comic book-ness. (I love comics, but sometimes the translation to film is a little hard due to some more unrealistic elements.) No, these films are violent, sophisticated, and don't always see Batman come out on top. The cast (made up of a lot of Brits and Aussies) features tons of star power: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Liam Neeson, Heath Ledger, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Katie Holmes, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard, Aaron Eckhart, Cillian Murphy, Tom Wilkinson, Juno Temple, Rutger Hauer, Matthew Modine, Ken Watanabe, Eric Roberts (Julia Roberts' brother and Emma Roberts' dad). The cast also includes some lesser-known actors in small roles, such as Dexter star Desmond Harrington, Ben Mendolsohn (Killing Them Softly), Nestor Carbonell (Wilfred), and Game of Thrones alumni Burn Gorman, Jack Gleeson (who shows up as a young boy in the first film), and Aidan Gillen (who also had a role in The Wire). Even the Pitssburgh Steelers show up in the third film, as does Memento and Reno 911! actor Thomas Lennon. That line-up alone shows the amount of awesome in this series. Add on the insane action sequences, well-written dialogue, and fantastic lead performances, and you've got a great trilogy of superhero films.
Second, Steven Spielberg and Geroge Lucas' classic action films:
In this series, Harrison Ford stars as the rugged professor and archaeologist Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jr. and the films follows his various adventures trying to find various mythical artifacts. The cast features Karen Allen, John Rhys-Davies (Lord of the Rings), Paul Freeman, Kate Capshaw, Jonathan Ke Quan, Denholm Elliot, Julian Glover (The Empire Strikes Back, Game of Thrones), Amrish Puri, River Phoenix, Alison Doody, and the great Sean Connery. (Who plays Indy's dad, and was also sort of Indy's symbolic dad before that, as James Bond was one of the inspirations for Indy.) The action scenes and lines are classic, and it goes to show what you can do without CGI. The middle film is, without a doubt, the weakest, but it's still an enjoyable movie, despite it's faults. The first and third films are extremely well made and are impressive even by today's standards, where every good action movie is a sequel or based on a comic book. "What about the fourth film?" You may ask. Well, we all know that never really happened.





2. A Clockwork Orange and Requiem for a Dream (tie): One last tie before the #1 spot. I couldn't decide which fucked-up movie was better, so I just shoved them together.
First, Clockwork:
Stanley Kubrick's masterful and controversial sci-fi/dystopian drama follows the sickening "adventures" of deranged teen Alex DeLarge, who leads his equally sociopathic gang of "droogies" in raping, murdering, and tormenting those who live in the London of the near future. An avid fan of Beethoven, Alex is one of the most demented protagonists ever: he represents the very essence of moral bankruptcy, and yet, the audience is supposed to sympathize with him, feel bad for him, and the worst part... the movie makes you. It did that for me at least, and after looking up several reviews and analyses, it appears most people do also. The movie is complex and morally and psychologically challenging in every aspect, and it's Kubrick's keen eye for detail and experience with the camera that give this film a great visual look. Not to mention Malcolm McDowell's startling and dark breakthrough performance as the disturbed "hero" Alex. Kubrick's screenplay is fantastic as well. I admit I've never read Anthony Burgess' original novel, but I intend to as soon as possible. Walter/Wendy Carlos' soothing yet haunting synthesizer score perfectly captures the strange subject matter and almost eerie tone. Nothing can really describe what this movie is like, it's more an experience than a film. A must-see for any movie fan or fan of any art.
Now, for Requiem:
Another cinematic masterpiece that's more of an experience than a film, this movie is even bleaker than the previous film I discussed. I must give you fair warning: this is the kind of movie that will shake you to your core and fuck you up for hours, maybe even days depending on your sensitivity, after viewing it. A depressing and harshly realistic portrayal of various forms of addiction (mainly heroin and other hardcore drugs), this Darren Aronofsky arthouse drama is one of the best horror films ever made. It's not typically categorized as horror, but I think it really is, as it shows one of real life's most troubling horrors: drug addiction. Jared Leto and Jennifer Connelly both give excellent lead performances, and Marlon Wayans (yeah, you read that right, the guy from Scary Movie and In Living Color) is surprisingly great as Leto's best friend. Christopher McDonald does a good job in a small supporting role as a TV personality. But the real show-stealer is Ellen Burstyn. Her portrayal of Leto's lonely, widowed mother hopelessly trying to lose weight and get on a game show is as heartbreaking as it is gruelling to watch. I am still dumbfounded that she lost to Julia Roberts at the Oscars. No offense to Roberts, but really? Come on, people! The rest of the cast includes stars of Aronofsky's previous film Pi like Sean Gullette and Mark Margolis ("Tio" from Breaking Bad) as well as voice actor Keith David and the underrated Dylan Baker (Happiness, Fido, Anchorman 2, Spider-Man 2 and 3). Aronofsky's unique directing style make this movie feel fast-paced and adds this element of surrealness to it, as well as makes the viewers feel consistently uncomfortable. The editing by Jay Rabinowitz is amazing and looks very difficult to pull off. The score by Clint Mansell (a frequent collaborator with Aronofsky), particularly the main theme "Lux Aeterna", is memorable, haunting, and tragic. I have read the original novel by Hubert Selby, Jr. (who makes a cameo in the film), and I can say that's a highly underrated book and also that the film captures the tone of the novel perfectly, although it omits a small subplot involving a hospital worker which I found interesting. Requiem for a Dream is an extremely powerful work of art that treats the viewer like an emotional punching bag, and doesn't let up in the slightest. I recommend it to anyone with a love of film or great acting, but especially people interested in pursuing hardcore drugs like heroin, crack, cocaine, or even potentially addictive diet pills. (Watch the film to see why.)

 

And now for my number one slot...



1. Star Wars Original Trilogy: I couldn't pick just one of these classic films, so I grouped them together. After all, they were intended to originally be one, long epic. George Lucas may have butchered these movies with his endless re-edits, special editions, and "definitive" cuts, but the originals are still amazing. The cast, consisting of Mark Hamill, James Earl Jones (Darth Vader- voice only), Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, David Prowse (who providing the body for Darth Vader), Peter Mayhew, Billy Dee Williams, Peter Cushing, Kenny Baker, Anthony Daniels, and Sir Alec Guinness, are all really great for a bunch of (mostly) unknowns. The special effects and action sequences still hold up today, and the characters and creatures are memorable and iconic. Not to mention the nostalgia-inducing and awesome musical score by John Williams. They pay homage to older space adventure serials while also being original and definitive. They inspired thousands or filmmakers and writers from Kevin Smith to Seth McFarlane to J.J. Abrams. Just check out this article to see how many of your favorite movie and TV people were influenced by it: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/24/star-wars-35th-anniversary_n_1542414.html
These movie are a huge part of film history and all culture in general, and showcase young George Lucas' talent for movie making. I love them because they're classics in every sense of the word, and they were some of the first movies I really ever loved.



(Images: Wikipedia)

Runner-ups: Amadeus, It's a Wonderful Life, True Grit (both versions), The Godfather, The Breakfast Club, The Sixth Sense, The Thing, Halloween, Braveheart, Stand By Me, The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption, Dawn of the Dead, Annie Hall, Psycho, The Fly, Candyman, Hellraiser, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Brazil, 12 Monkeys, Blue Velvet, American Graffiti, Traffic, Downfall, Traffic, Pan's Labyrinth, The Boondock Saints, Spider-Man 2, X2, Remember the Titans.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Marvel's latest film is not a superhero effort, but a space adventure

Today, I look at the highly-anticipated sci-fi action film Guardians of the Galaxy.

Guardians of the Galaxy:
In 1988, a young boy named Peter Jason Quill, who just lost his mother to cancer, is abducted from Earth by a group of alien outlaws called the Ravagers. Raised by their rugged leader Yondu, he becomes the "legendary outlaw 'Star-Lord'". After stealing an ancient orb from an alien temple on a desolate planet, he is chased down by soldiers from the Kree culture, the Ravagers (whom he has betrayed and left), and a green alien assassin by the name of Gamora, who is sent by the galactic being Thanos. However, after being arrested, he must team with Gamora, a witty bounty hunter/genetic experiment gone wrong named Rocket (who is a talking raccoon), Rocket's bodyguard and enforcer Groot (a humanoid tree creature), and a crazed alien trying to avenge his family named Drax, in order to escape prison and save the galaxy and keep the orb from falling into the wrong hands. In particular, the hands of the genocidal Kree warrior named Ronan, "the Accuser", who is enraged by the Kree's peace treaty with the planet of Xandar, and wants to wipe out all of the planet's inhabitants and culture.
   This movie was surprisingly good, and part of that is due to it's great ensemble cast: Chris Pratt is charismatic and funny in the role of the arrogant and "infamous" Star-Lord. More known for comedy, this role proves that Pratt can do action movies just as well. Zoe Saldana is good in the role of the skilled assassin Gamora. Dave Bautista is excellent in the role of bad-ass/crazy sort-of comic relief Drax. But the stars of the show are, without a doubt, Vin Diesel and Bradley Cooper as Groot and Rocket, respectively. Groot is lovable and provides some laughs, and Cooper is funny and crazy in the role of the raccoon. Lee Pace is Ronan, and is one of the few Marvel villains lately that isn't a huge disappointment. I'm not saying he's really great or outstanding, he's still just another action villain (which is a shame, as Ronan is a cool comic book character), but unlike Red Skull in Captain America and Malekith in Thor: The Dark World, Ronan actually presents a big threat and doesn't just get killed by some stupid explosion after a 30-second fight scene. Karen Gillan (Doctor Who, Oculus) is the supporting villainess Nebula, Gamora's foster sister and one of Thanos' cyborg assassin "daughters". Michael Rooker (The Walking Dead, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer) plays Yondu, Star-Lord's sort-of-father figure and space pirate. Rooker brings his charm and coolness, but the flaw with his character is that he's basically just a blue-skinned Merle (Rooker's Walking Dead character), he's not another new or different. Djimon Hounsou (In America, Blood Diamond, How to Train Your Dragon 2) appears as Korath, one of Ronan's best soldiers and trackers. John C. Reilly and Glenn Close have minor parts as Xandar officials Rhomann Dey and Irani Rael, respectively. Benicio del Toro is excellent as the effeminate, eccentric, and slightly unhinged Collector, but he's pretty much wasted. Josh Brolin has a minor part as Thanos, the cold-hearted galactic conqueror. Alexis Denisof reprises his part from Avengers as The Other, Thanos' representative. Ophelia Lovibond has a small part as The Collector's servant girl Carina. Ralph Ineson (Game of Thrones, Spooks) cameos as a Ravager, Nathan Fillion has a cameo as a space prison inmate, Stan "The Man" Lee as a Xandarian playboy, Lloyd Kaufman (infamous B-movie director) as another prisoner, Rob Zombie as a Ravager navigator, and the film's composer Tyler Bates (a frequent collaborator of Zombie and Zack Snyder) as a Ravager pilot.
   Speaking of the film's score, that's one of the few problems with the movie. Although the soundtrack (filled with 70's classics) is awesome, the original music is sort of bland and forgettable. That's not to insult Bates, but that's just a problem facing many blockbuster films today.
    The only other major complaint is the humor. Now, the humor's great and there's nothing wrong with it, but this is a problem facing the Marvel Cinematic Universe ever since Disney took over: never knowing when enough was enough. These movies tend to get so hung up on having a good time that they don't know when to just take themselves seriously and stop being so self-aware. This was a problem in The Avengers, too. Both are fun and enjoyable action movies, but both have jokes in the middle of action scenes and dramatic moments, which is kind of inappropriate.
   Other than those two things, and the occasional logical flaw (which is prevalent in most blockbuster movies) and cliche, there's not too much wrong with this movie. The acting all around is pretty good for a summer movie (especially one coming out in the usually dull month of August). The action sequences are fun and colorful, with lots of cool sci-fi weapons and gadgets to keep things interesting. Speaking of which, the special effects and makeup are amazing, and although there's not a huge variety of weird creatures, when one does pop-up, they look really cool and unique, so I gotta give props to the design team. The CG looks great and is used only when it really needs to be, which is something I respect a lot.
   James Gunn (Slither, Super) does a great job directing. This surprised me, as he's mostly known for B-movies and comedies. He and his brother Sean Gunn have cameos in the film. His screenplay with Nicole Perlman is full of wit and originality. At first I thought Rooker was cast because of The Walking Dead's bloated popularity, and while this is probably a huge factor as well, it's also probably because Rooker starred in Gunn's film Slither. But, back on point, Gunn does a great job for a first-time blockbuster director.
    Guardians of the Galaxy has some flaws, but overall it's a fun summer movie and it broadens the scope of the already vast Marvel Cinematic Universe. It's flashy, fast-paced, and funny, and has some great action sequences and an awesome soundtrack. What else could you really ask for? 3.5/5 stars.

(Spoilers Below Poster)

  (Image: Wikipedia)
   



Spoiler Segment:
In the always great end-credits sequence, The Collector sits, depressed, as his vast collection has been destroyed when his home/museum is blown up by an Infinity Star (which the orb was holding the whole time). He is sitting there, when a Russian cosmonaut dog named Cosmo (played by animal performer Fred the Dog) runs up and starts licking his face. Suddenly, a voice starts mocking him from off-screen. He looks to see one of his living collectibles, Howard the Duck (voiced by Seth Green of Austin Powers, Idle Hands, Family Guy, and Robot Chicken fame), sitting on the remains of his glass case, drinking. Is this just a little Easter egg? Or are we goign to see Howard get his own movie, or maybe a role in another project? (Which will hopefully be better than the 1986 flop Howard the Duck.) Only time will tell...
(End of Spoilers)

Lucy: Luc Besson's latest inventive action effort

Today, I look at the new sci-fi thriller starring Scarlett Johansson.

Lucy:
In Taiwan, Lucy, a foreign exchange student, is living with her friends and new boyfriend Richard. Richard convinces her to deliver a briefcase to some clients for him, and succeeds in convincing her. Unfortunately, the deal goes sour: they are betrayed, Richard is killed, and Lucy is kidnapped by Korean gangster led by the intimidating Mr. Jang. Jang has her knocked out and has the contents of the briefcase (a bag of purple/blue powder) surgically put inside her, making her an unwilling drug mule. The bag breaks inside her, spreading this new drug throughout her blood stream, allowing her to access more than 10% of her brain, which leads her to get amazing powers, and she pursues revenge while also finding a way to cure herself of this affliction.
   Scarlett Johansson uses her charm and experience as Black Widow in Marvel movies to pull off the role of the bad-ass and stone-cold Lucy. The movie relies a lot on her, and she pulls off the role well. Morgan Freeman, while a great actor, is just sort of there for more star power in this movie. Choi Min-Sik is a threatening, if slightly over-the-top bad guy as Jang. Amr Waked (Syriana, Contagion, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen) has a supporting role as bad-ass cop Del Rio, who allies with Lucy to take out Jang. Pilou Asbaek, Mason Lee (Ang Lee's son), Analeigh Tipton, and Frederic Chou fill out the rest of the cast, and all do fairly well in their small roles.
  The movie is a little too short, but it has a unique style (the opening sequence uses symbolic shots of animals) and some cool themes (such as the continuing motif of human evolution, even the name Lucy is related to evolution, but I won't give away how). Although it's a bit silly towards the end, and a lot of the characters are under-developed, I think it's a fun action movie and shows Besson still has some cool ideas. This movie has a different feel to it than his previous efforts (like Leon: The Professional or The Fifth Element), which makes it slightly refreshing.
  The film also has a cool synthesizer score by Eric Serra, and an original song ("Sister Rust") over the credits by Damon Albarn of Blur and Gorillaz fame.
   My main complaint is that the movie's ending is rushed and sloppy, and is under-explained, as if Besson couldn't figure out how to properly end it and decided just to sort of leave it open-ended, which results in a feeling of disappointment.
   Lucy may be a bit laughable at times, and be slightly under-developed, but Johansson's lead role, the unique premise, and cool soundtrack make it worth watching at least once, even if you wait for the DVD. 3/5 stars.

 (Image: Wikipedia)

Top 50 Movies of All Time: Volume 4

Today, I'll be revisiting my list of my top fifty favorite movies. For this installment, I'll count down from 20 to 11.

Criteria:
Personal opinion
No TV movies or miniseries
I am able to collect an entire series or trilogy into a single spot

20. Donnie Darko: Richard Kelly's dark and complicated science-fiction/horror drama boasts an impressive all-star cast and focuses on the exploits of a very troubled high-schooler by the name of Donnie Darko, who must deal with his psychological issues, hallucinations of a doomsday-prophesizing man in a uniquely terrifying bunny costume, his dysfunctional family, his morally bankrupt suburban community, and the possibility that time travel may exist. Jake Gyllenhaal is one of the younger actors in this movie and also delivers it's most nuanced and challenging performance, foreshadowing his career of consistently excellent performances. His real-life sister Maggie Gyllenhaal portrays his bitchy and whiny sister in this film, and the rest of the cast includes the film's executive producer Drew Barrymore, Patrick Swayze, Jena Malone, Daveigh Chase (Big Love, Lilo & Stitch, Spirited Away, The Ring), James Duval, musician Alex Greenwald, and a young Seth Rogen and Ashley Tisdale. All those big names for a low-budget movie that performed poorly at the box office and developed a cult following. However, the film was positively reviewed, which has since contributed to it's growing fan base. I remember the first time I saw this film, and I was pleasantly surprised by it's weird atmosphere and quirky characters, as well as it's brilliant writing and haunting soundtrack, featuring an ominous main theme by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules' depressing but memorable "Mad World".  It gets better with more viewings, and I have yet to view the praised director's cut, but I intend too as soon as possible. Donnie Darko isn't for everyone, but even if you don't like it, you have to give it credit for it's original plot and interesting characters, in addition to it's unique blend of genres (sci-fi, fantasy, horror, drama, high school movie, dark comedy, etc.) and haunting & ominous tone and atmosphere.



19. Happiness: Todd Solondz's extremely dark and uncomfortable black comedy/satire is something that most people will probably find hard to stomach. A compelling and startlingly original and sometimes pessimistic view of life, the film tracks the lives of three sisters and their family and friends. One sister is unwittingly married to a pedophile who fruitlessly tries to control his horrible urges; another has an incredibly hard time trying to find the right man; and the third lives a few doors down from a perverted man who can only masturbate when making crass and obscene prank calls to women. Their parents are starting to drift apart in their old age after 40 years of marriage, and the son of the first sister and the pederast is confused and intrigued by his pubescent sexual urges. With a plot like that, it's easy to see why many find this one a little too off-beat and weird for their tastes. However, I found it to be an extremely enjoyable film, despite all it's horrible plot lines and pretty depressing and bleak ending that betrays it's title. It's got a cool visual style, and all the characters are richly written, despite them not exactly being "realistic". When I say that, I mean that this film exists in a sort of alternate, hyper-reality where everyone is just a little strange or "off" compared to people you'd meet on a day-to-day basis; and the fact that the family is this dysfunctional and has this many issues makes me wonder how they kept it together up until this point. The film's cast is also incredible: Jane Adams, Dylan Baker, Elizabeth Ashley, Lara Flynn Boyle, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Jared Harris, and Jon Lovitz are all fairly big names, and all do really great jobs, especially Baker, Hoffman, and Lovitz. Baker's performance is incredibly creepy and unsettling, even for a black comedy/drama, and also a little pathetic. I almost felt pity for him for how fucked up his life has become, but that pity reached it's limits when he (Spoiler) tearfully admits to his son that he wouldn't molest him, but "jerk off instead". That was my breaking point with this character, he crossed the point of no return as far as unsympathetic goes. Hoffman is also very weird, but not in that way, he's just kind of an odd, soft-spoken pervert. Hoffman is able to convey a lot without saying a lot, and comes off as the most awkward, pathetic guy on earth, but is also able to find a strange sort of happiness near the end, which is quickly crushes by a startling revelation. Anyway, Happiness is definitely not the type of movie you want to watch if you're in the mood for an uplifting or lighthearted film, but if you like bleak and kind of quirky black comedies, or are a fan of Todd Solondz, than this movie is definitely for you, I know I loved it.



18. E.T., The Extra Terrestrial and Jurassic Park (tie): Both are Steven Spielberg films, and each is considered a classic in it's own right.
The first is unbelievably sappy and cheesy when you think about it, but I really can't help but like it because it's one of those movies that's timeless and will always hold a special spot in my heart. The special effects are extremely good for the early 80's and the relationship between Elliot and the alien is actually pretty touching. The main theme is also extremely memorable and iconic, as is the shot of E.T. and Elliot flying on a bike past the full moon.
The second is the darker and more violent but still successful and beloved Jurassic Park, based on Michael Crichton's bestseller. The CGI and animatronics are still awe-inspiring today, as shown by the ticket sales on the 3D re-release. John Williams' amazing musical score is iconic and induces extreme nostalgia. The action is exciting and the dinosaurs can actually be terrifyingly realistic (especially those velociraptors, who are regarded as some of the scariest creatures in any movie). And also: it's dinosaurs. It's fucking dinosaurs. And who is fascinated or at least intrigued by those? Both these movies deliver timeless stories, and have a visionary and experienced director behind them to bring those stories to life convincingly.

     

17. American Psycho: Mary Harron's scary and polished psychological thriller/horror film/black comedy is a fascinating character piece on one Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale, who delivers what is arguably his best performance in any movie), a Wall Street banker who has everything: equally shallow, pretentious, and narcissistic friends and coworkers; an extravagant lifestyle; more money than he can spend; and all the cocaine he can snort and hard alcohol he can consume. But what he really loves more than anything in the world: killing random people, or those who are more wealthy and tasteful than he is. This movie, like Trainspotting before it, starts off as an extremely black comedy, but slowly progresses to a point where it's more of a straightforward psychological drama. Bale tackles an incredibly challenging character: Bateman constantly switches from over-the-top and goofy, to suave and sophisticated, to openly narcissistic and self-absorbed, to whimpering idiot, to terrifying serial killer. Every scene he's in is tense, as anything sets him off: from something as hurtful as someone unknowingly insulting him to his face, to something as trivial and vain as someone having a slightly better business card than him. The rest of the cast are excellent as well, the lineup consisting of Willem Dafoe, Jared Leto, Josh Lucas, Chloe Sevigny, Cara Seymour, Reese Witherspoon, Justin Theroux, Guinevere Turner, Matt Ross, and others. Mary Harron's direction and writing (the latter with Guinevere Turner) is excellent for a relatively unknown director and screenwriter (she is seriously underrated), and the cinematography is gorgeous. I've never read Bret Easton Ellis' satirical novel, but I plan to, and I've heard that the film tops the book in some ways, and captures the tone perfectly. The mind-bending and bleak ending is fantastic, and Bateman's ending monologue is expertly written by Harron and Turner and convincingly delivered by Bale. The ending is brilliant, bold, and risky, as it could have left audience members disappointed and confused. Luckily, most people got it: it's supposed to leave the audience as conflicted and confused about Bateman as he is about himself, and shows how the world Bateman inhabits is so shallow and vapid that he will continually evade justice even if he confesses his countless crimes directly to a lawyer (who mistakes his confession for a joke, and doesn't even recognize Bateman). The ending is also terrifyingly unclear: is Bateman a ruthless serial killer who will constantly get away with it, or is he a schizophrenic who has imagined these crimes with such vivid detail that he has begun to believe his own fantasies have come to pass? Either way you look at it, it's creepy and leaves you in a state of uncertainty, which I think unsettles many people, as we as a species always want to find the answers to things that are unknown, or find a motive behind a crime, and the fact that the crimes we have seen may never be resolved (and may have not even happened) scares people. That's what makes this film a real horror story despite all the black humor, and it's also this complexity and richness that makes me love this movie the more I watch it.



16. The Departed: Martin Scorsese's complicated and violent thriller is a remake of the equally entertaining Hong Kong crime film Infernal Affairs. It follows the stories of two moles: the first, Billy Costigan, is a young man from an infamous criminal family in Boston. Unbeknownst to his friends, Costigan is an off-the-record informant for the police department, embedded deep inside ruthless Irish mafia boss Frank Costello's criminal empire. The second is Colin Sullivan, a staff sergeant in the Massachusetts State Police. He's clean-cut, friendly, and trustworthy. Little do any of his coworkers know, he is a mole for Costello's organization, and has been trained for his occupation since he was a kid. Everything is going smoothly for the first few months, but as time goes on, the inevitable crossing of paths occurs, and as things get more tense and both moles' lives begin to unravel, they begin to question their loyalties and try to survive and hide their true identities from their respective bosses. The film is obviously different than the original Hong Kong version, but from what I've heard it's actually one of the better Americanizations of an Asian film. The film has an amazing cast, featuring Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio, who both give two of their best performances. DiCaprio is the more sympathetic of the two as Costigan, and he pulls off the leading man roles really well. Damon may also be a leading man, but as The Talented Mr. Ripley showcased, he can play a great villain, so his cutthroat portrayal of Sullivan is surprising and refreshing. Jack Nicholson is fantastic as Frank Costello, who is basically just a more sinister version of Nicholson. As much as I love and admire Nicholson, I will admit many of his performances are just different shades of Jack Nicholson. Here is no different, but that doesn't make it a bad performance. In fact, this character is strong because he is just as charismatic and weird as Nicholson himself is. Martin Sheen plays his opposite: the police captain Queenan. Where Costello is corrupt, Queenan is an upstanding citizen; where Costello is a cold-blooded killer, Queenan is very peaceful; where Costello is psychotic and unstable, Queenan is calm and collected; where Costello mocks religion, Queenan is a Catholic; and has a strong moral code; and where Costello scoffs at any sense of morality or remorse, Queenan is kind and has a strong moral code. Both these men represent one of the film's core themes: the archetypal Irish father figure. Costello is the yin to Queenan's yang, and they both show the two opposite sides of what the stereotypical Irish father figure can be: a caring and morally sound Irish police officer, or a violent and unpredictable Irish criminal. This is also similar to how Sullivan and Costigan, despite both being close to Costello and growing up in the same environment, couldn't be more different. This whole movie is full of overlapping themes like that, making it more than just another Scorsese crime movie. It's a modern masterpiece.



15. The Shining and 2001: A Space Odyssey (tie): Both of these films are masterpieces, and are made by a man who is universally hailed as one of the best film directors, if not the best film director, of all time: Stanely Kubrick. The former is an adaptation of Stephen King's wildly popular novel The Shining. Kubrick took the already eerie source material and made it his own, improving upon it and making the ending bleaker and more open to interpretation, something that irritates King to this day. That's right: King hated the adaptation and even had a TV miniseries made in the mid-90's to show the version he wanted, and it was even titled Stephen King's The Shining. I, like most people, enjoy Kubrick's version better for it's revoltionary cinematography, haunting atmosphere and visuals, excellent score by Walter/Wendy Carlos, iconic performance by Jack Nicholson, and cerebral tone.
The latter is Kubrick's earlier effort: an epic about space, time, and man's evolution, and how they are all tied to a seemingly malevolent and enigmatic alien being, which is in the form of a mysterious black monolith. The soundtrack, beautiful and lush cinematography, iconic moments, terrifyingly cold and calculating computer/villain HAL 9000 (considered one of the great movie villains), and trippy and mind-bending ending are why I love this movie. They make it worth revisiting again and again and also make the viewer think. This is a great example of both arthouse cinema and science fiction movie, and is a great film to analyze, because a lot of it is open to interpretation: a staple of Kubrick's films.
Both these movies exemplify why Kubrick is such a master of the craft: he's a genius with the camera, and he knows exactly how to direct his actors and crew.



14. Lawrence of Arabia: David Lean's masterful and timeless epic tells the story of T.E. Lawrence, one of the most controversial and psychologically interesting figures in modern history. The cinematography is so beautiful and sweeping, and many of the shots were done without the aid of special effects, and since have not been able to be replicated. Peter O'Toole steals the show in one of his first major film roles. His performance as Lawrence is brilliant and complex, and it also leaves a lot open to interpretation, making it worth several re-watches. Sam Spiegel financed the film, and spared no expense. The budget and cast are both incredibly big, and the action highlight is the spectacular and expensive sequence involving the locomotive crash and raid. Alec Guinness, Anthoyn Quinn, Omar Sharif, and Jack Hawkins all give exceptional supporting performances. Sharif, in particular, stands out as the strongest supporting actor, and at the time was relatively unknown. Maurice Jarre's rousing and iconic musical score is also worth noting, as it has become one of the most recognizable and beloved movie themes of all time. Although the run-time can intimidate many and definitely strain some attentions spans, it's well worth it. It's just one of those movies that will always be considered a masterpiece.



13. Monty Python and the Holy Grail: A classic spoof film that pokes fun at medieval movies, culture, and people in general, it's sad to see that people these days are so used to films like A Haunted House and others like it that movies like this, that are absurd but also somehow subtle, go over their heads and they deem them "bad" or "stupid". I know that in my high school history class a while back my classmates did not understand the humor and simply brushed it off as being dumb or unintelligent, which couldn't be farther from the truth. I've now started to leave it out of my list when people ask me what my favorite films are because people (usually) give me funny looks when I say it's one of my favorite comedies. Anyway, the reasons I like it is because it's very quotable, the situations the characters face are purposely odd and confusing, the writing is extremely original, the acting (almost all the characters are portrayed by members of the Python comedy troupe) isn't exactly great (the actors often chew scenery), but that's actually done on purpose, the animated scenes are iconic and unique, and it's a movie you can still laugh at even if you've seen it a hundred times, because it's so offbeat and unlike anything else that you can't really help but like it.



12. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: A timeless movie based on the equally excellent Roald Dahl book, I was surprised to hear that back when it was released, despite positive reception, it did horribly at the box office, but has since become beloved due to home video sales and television airings. Dahl hated the movies (similar to how Stephen King would disown The Shining ten years later), and the few awards it was nominated for it lost to Fiddler on the Roof. However, like I said before, it eventually grew on people..a lot, myself included. It's charming, despite all it's 70's strangeness (that psychedelic, bad trip tunnel sequence is infamous for giving kids nightmares), particularly due to Gene Wilder's perfect portrayal of Willy Wonka, appearing eccentric and odd but also somehow wise and kind. Peter Ostrum, in his only movie role, also does a fair job as Charlie. Jack Albertson is great as Charlie's grandpa Joe. This movie may not be for everyone, but it's still leagues above that shit Tim Burton reboot from 2005.



11. No Country for Old Men: The Coen Brothers' adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's dark and brooding modern western novel takes place in 1980 and follows an average joe and Vietnam vet named Llewelyn Moss, who comes across a drug deal gone wrong in the middle of nowhere. Pretty much everyone is dead, and the drug money is still left over. He decides to take the money, as he and his wife are struggling financially, but this proves to be a terrible decision: he finds himself being tracked down by a local sheriff who's on the brink of retirement, and (even worse) being hunted by Anton Chigurh, an emotionless, extremely skilled hitman who was hired to recover the money. This movie is a dark and thrilling cautionary tale: never get involved in a situation which can lead you to be in over your head. Javier Bardem's chilling and monotone performance as Chigurh earned him an Oscar, BAFTA, and a Golden Globe, among others. This is the role that introduced him to the American moviegoing public, and what an intro it is. Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Woody Harrelson, and Kelly Macdonald also go fantastic in this movie. But I think what really makes it is the Coens' superb directing style and darkly comic writing, even though there's not too much comedy in this film. I really enjoy re-watching this movie for the cinematography, acting (particularly from Bardem), writing, and thrilling plot.

 (Images: Wikipedia)

Runner-ups: Rocky, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Spaceballs, Psycho, Saving Private Ryan, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Gladiator, Braveheart, Forrest Gump, King Kong, Gojira, Traffic, Goldfinger, Casino Royale, Skyfall, The Borune Supremacy, The Town, Inception, Planet of the Apes, The Trasnformers: The Movie (1986), Alien, Predator, The Terminator, Robocop, Schindler's List, X-Men, Animal House, Seven, Team America, The Exorcist, The King's Speech, Blue Velvet, Mulholland Drive, Iron Man, The Avengers, The Omen, Rosemary's Baby, Amadeus, Gangs of New York, The Breakfast Club, Scarface, Oldboy, A Nightmare on Elm Street, First Blood, The Boondock Saints.

How to Train Your Dragon Films: Proof that DreamWorks Can Out-Do Disney

Today, I'm giving a long-belated review of DreamWorks' acclaimed Dragon film series, which just released it;s second installment.

How to Train Your Dragon:
This is a film I regret not seeing in theaters. It follows the exploits of a young man named Hiccup, who lives in the ancient Viking island village of Berk. He is weak and awkward, constantly disappointing his warrior father Stoick the Vast, who is the village's chief. He is also the laughingstock of the village, and no one believes him. The village must constantly fight off and/or capture hordes of seemingly malevolent dragons. One that keeps escaping them is the infamous Nightfury, a super-fast and stealthy dragon known for his unique purple fire breath. One night, Hiccup is able to (miraculously) shoot it down and it lands somewhere in the village's surrounding forest area. No one believes a fuck-up like Hiccup could manage to take down the most dangerous dragon in the land, so they think he's just trying to get attention. To prove them wrong, Hiccup goes to the forest to find that the Nightfury, who he dubs Toothless, is badly injured and afraid, and forms a bond with the dragon, secretly training it so he can fly it and they become inseparable. Unfortunately, if word gets out about Hiccup training a dragon, his father will be humiliated, Hiccup mocked and ridiculed, and the dragon most likely killed. Hiccup must choose between helping his new companion or impressing his father and village.
    This movie was genuinely surprising, considering at the time, Dream Works wasn't really doing that well at the time. Sure, they had some good films with Shrek, The Prince of Egypt, Spirit, Madagascar, Shrek 2, and even Shrek Forever After, but with films like Shark Tale and Shrek the Third under their belt, their reputation was getting tarnished. This is the film that re-cemented their place as a respectable animation studio, a real rival for Pixar, and made people interested in seeing their films again. The filmmaking duo behind the film, Dean DeBlois and Chris Sanders, are no strangers to critical acclaim. They are most famous for directing Disney's Lilo & Stitch back in 2002, so they were experienced in how to make an enjoyable animated movie. It, like Shrek, is based off a cool, underrated kid's book, this time a British series by Cressida Cowell.
     The voice acting, featuring the talents of Jay Baruchel (whose unique voice and mannerisms in turn make Hiccup a memorable and unique animated character), Gerard Butler, America Ferrera, Craig Ferguson, Jonah Hill, T.J. Miller, Kristen Wiig, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and David Tennant (who previously did audio book narrations of the book series), is excellent. Video game mo-capper and voice actor Robin Atkin-Downes (famous for his work with Naughty Dog on Uncharted and The Last of Us) voices a background character named Ack. All the actors' voices fit their characters perfectly, and you can tell the filmmakers and writers really cared about who was being cast, not just casting people because they're famous, but because their voice and mannerisms fit the character.
    The animation is fluent and beautiful, and the all the character and environment designs are original and memorable. The filmmakers even consulted cinematographer Roger Deakins to help with lighting, to give the film a "live-action feel" (USA Today, November 2009). The movie has a lot of unique dragon designs, and the action sequences are pretty exciting for a family film.
    Overall, How to Train Your Dragon may not be perfect, but it's an enjoyable underdog story with enough action and humor to keep everyone happy. I really hate the term "fun for the whole family", I find it to be overused and to just sound dumb, but I guess that's the best way to describe this movie. I'd say give it a watch or two. It won't disappoint. 4/5 stars.



How to Train Your Dragon 2:
I knew I had to catch this movie in theaters, considering I regretted missing #1 when it was still in theaters. In this film, Hiccup has turned from village outcast to it's most beloved citizen. His father Stoick, proud of his achievements as a warrior, and as teacher to everyone in the village, is considering putting him in the position of village chief, now that he is 20. Everything is going well for Hiccup, until, while flying with Toothless through unexplored lands, encounters dragon catchers, who work for a mysterious and ruthless figure named Drago Bludvist, who once attacked the Berk villagers, killing all the warriors but Stoick. Hiccup believes he can reason with him, and, against his father's warnings, tries to find Drago. He encounters another dragon trainer who he believes can help him on his quest, but also finds out the hard way that Drago may be too much for him to handle.
   This movie has a slightly darker tone than the previous installment, as most middle parts in a trilogy do (take Empire Strikes Back, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and The Dark Knight as great examples). Oh yeah, there's already a planned third and final installment. The action is more intense, the characters grow even more, and there's a more threatening villain. Yeah, last time there was terrifying massive dragon, but this time, there's an actual human threat, who can control dragons that are even bigger.
     Speaking of characters, the voice acting is still impressive, and the character and dragon designs are creative and memorable. Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, America Ferrera, Craig Ferguson, Jonah Hill, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Kristen Wiig and T.J. Miller all return from the previous film. New additions include Djimon Hounsou (Gladiator, In America, Amistad, Blood Diamond) who voices the villain Drago, and Kit Harington (Jon Snow from Game of Thrones, Pompeii), who voices anti-hero Eret. I was glad to see these two, underrated actors get work in a big blockbuster like this.
     The action sequences are cool and fluid, and the animation is still stunning. This time, only DeBois returned to direct, but I think he does a good job on his own. It's not as faithful to Cowell's book as the first, as far as I've heard, but I think it works as it's own thing altogether.
      How to Train Your Dragon 2 is a great movie. It's got humor, likable characters, amazing animation, and an original concept. Not to mention a fair deal of exciting action. My only complaint: the title. Why not How to Fight With Dragons? How to Fly Your Dragon? Something a little more creative, as there's not really any training in the movie. But I digress, it's a minor nitpick. Again, check it out. 4/5 stars.

 (Images: Wikipedia)

Transformers-Age of Extinction: How does one make an action scene boring? Michael Bay knows!

Today, I look at the box office success (the amount of people who go to these movies and actually enjoy them is endlessly perplexing) with a huge budget and an equally large running time.

Transformers, Age of Extinction:
In Texas, an "inventor" by the name of Cade Yeager is raising his whiny teenage daughter and trying to make it as a robotics engineer while making no money. He comes across an old semi-truck and figures out it is a transformer. Since the Chicago War (the battle from the end of the third movie), all transformers, good and evil, have been blamed for the massive casualties and property damage, and are being hunted down by the military. His surfer/moron buddy calls the government-run service for "disposing" of an old transformer, because the ad promises no problems and a pretty large cash reward. However, instead they get a small group of CIA agents and special ops soldiers, who threaten Cade, his daughter, and their friends. The small group of heroes is rescued when the injured transformer turns out to be none other than Optimus Prime. He leads them to his increasingly small group of transformers, and they begin a quest to take down the corrupt government officials who are targeting them as well as recover The Seed, an alien bomb used to reform planets to make them habitable by transformers.
     Surprisingly, it was pretty good. And by that I mean I didn't hate it as much as the previous two abominations to come out of this franchise. This one wasn't quite as cringe-worthy, I will give it that. None of the human characters from the previous films return, which is a good thing for the most part (I do miss the soldiers though, those dudes were cool supporting characters and I'm sad to see them go). The only transformers that return are Optimus, Bumblebee, and a little annoying one that talks in ebonics. The others are completely new and useless but treated as though they've always been around. But the worst thing is the run-time: good god, this fucking thing doesn't end. I was sitting in the movie and thinking about when it was going to end, as the climax was dragging on for some time. I check my phone: there was an hour left, it wasn't the climax, it was the second act! A second act that consisted mostly of a 40-minute action sequence.
   That brings me to my next complaint: the action. As the title of this review suggests, I didn't like the battle scenes. I don't care so much for these films because Michael Bay pays so much attention to explosive and CG-heavy action sequences that it seems like the writing on the human characters comes secondary. That wouldn't be a problem for me (I like dumb action movies from time to time), except that he decides to spend the first half hour only focusing on human characters, for the most part. So for the first 30-40 minutes, I just got bland, annoying, poorly acted, underwritten human characters who I couldn't give less of a shit about. The other major complaint, which the title also suggests, is that the action scenes are so chock-full of activity (usually between characters I don't care about or relate to in any way) and drag on for so long that they cease to become entertaining and becoming boring. Actually a better choice of words would be overwhelming and exhausting. I actually felt exhausted from watching half of a movie. I didn't even know that could happen. I felt like I had exercised, I just wanted to go to bed. That's right: Michael Bay has made it possible to get me to fall asleep from explosions and guns and bloodshed. I just don't know how he does it. The only cool bits were Optimus' first encounter with the Cemetery Wind task force and Mark Wahlberg's intense fight with an evil CIA agent in a Chinese shantytown during the climactic final battle. Those were actually fairly entertaining sequences; however, the amount of garbage I had to endure to get to those left me overwhelmed and unable to fully enjoy them. Just look up clips on YouTube, sitting through the whole movie isn't worth it.
    The acting wasn't anything special, either. Mark Wahlberg is definitely more charismatic and action movie-ready than Shia LaBeouf could ever be, but I couldn't buy him as Cade. This was a problem in The Happening, too: Wahlberg has to act as a vulnerable and book-wormy scientist/inventor, despite the fact he's a muscular action hero type. Wahlberg is also a Texan, but doesn't at all lose his heavy Boston accent. Stanley Tucci basically recreates Jon Tuturo's character from previous installments, and God bless him, he fucking tries. You can tell Tucci was trying to have fun with the movie, but just like that guy who tries to keep an obviously dying and increasingly awkward party going, it's not fun: it's sort of pathetic and sad. And that's not to insult Tucci at all, he's a fine actor and I hope he's in more stuff, but it's meant to show how even the best actors can be dragged down by an awful script. Kelsey Grammar plays the main antagonist: Harold Attinger, a veteran CIA agent who distrusts and hates transformers who invented the Cemetery Wind task force to kill all transformers on Earth. Peter Weller returns to voice Optimus Prime, and sounds just as cool and bad-ass as ever, although it's sad to think such a talented voice actor basically just does these movies now. John Goodman voices Hound, a military-like and kind of aggressive transformer who is loyal to Optimus. Mark Ryan voices both the kind of immature but brave Bumblebee (who is transformed from the wise transformer at the end of the first movie to an emotional and reckless teenager-type character) and the villain Lockdown, a transformer/galactic bounty hunter who mercilessly hunts down other transformers for the government and for his alien employers. John DiMaggio (Futurama, Adventure Time) voices both Leadfoot and Crosshairs, who are just sort of there; a shame, as DiMaggio is a pretty talented voice actor and is really funny. Drift is voiced by Ken Watanabe. For some reason, they made this Autobot a stereotypical Japanese samurai caricature but one that turns into both a helicopter an the Bugatti, a European sports car. That totally makes sense. Frank Welker (an insanely talented voice actor who originally voiced Megatron on the animated series) is Galvatron, a wasted villain who is only in the movie for like 20 minutes, and is the reincarnation of Megatron, though they imply he will be back soon. Robert Foxworth voices Ratchet, the kind medic Autobot who is only in the movie for 5 minutes, and Reno Wilson voices Brains, the annoying-as-all-hell former Decepticon turned Autobot helper.
All of the Autobots are no longer intelligent or wise as before, but emotional, reckless has-beens (Bumblebee loses it because he sees an ad calling him old and ugly), and Optimus comes off as more of an idiotic avenger than a sagely bad-ass like before.
    The rest of the human cast are as follows: Nicola Peltz as Tessa, Cade's young daughter (who is attractive, but a terrible actress); Jack Reynor as Shane, Tessa's annoying boyfriend (who has one of the worst Irish accents I've ever heard in my life, it's barely even an accent at all); Sophia Myles as Darcy, Tucci's British assistant; Li Bingbing as Su, the owner of Tucci's company's Chinese factory (also attractive, slightly better actress); T.J. Miller is Lucas, Cade's good friend and surfer dude (the "comic relief", although I will admit he got me to chuckle once or twice); James Bachman as Tucci's scientist employee (a better comic relief); Kassem G (YouTuber) as another scientist at Tucci's factory; and Titus Welliver as Savoy, the leader of the Cemetery Wind squad and Attinger's right-hand man, the secondary human antagonist. Going into details is pointless because almost all of them are underwritten caricatures. None of them feel like real, relatable people in the slightest.
   The visual effects are actually okay, except for the transformium. Yeah, I know, right? The only name they could think of for the substance that can transformium itself into objects was "transformium". Almost as bad as "unobtanium" from Avatar. The transformium resembles a computer screensaver. The special effects on the robots are actually pretty good, and you can actually distinguish between the robots this time around because there are fewer of them and they all have distinctive colors.
   The writing by Ehren Krueger (the man behind the last two films as well as Scream 3) is pretty bad. No offense, but this is worse than even Scream 3 or Transformers: Dark of the Moon. One of my favorite bad lines in this movies is when the CIA shows up at Cade's farm, Cade claims they have no right as they have no warrant, and Savoy responds "My face is my warrant!" I actually burst out laughing at how badly written and delivered that line was. Even the phrase "Chicago War" makes no sense, as it was one battle. What "war" only lasts for a few hours?
    The directing by Michael Bay, full of lens flares, slow-motion, and confusing CG fights, is even worse than the bland writing. The saddest part: Bay was once a promising action director, making fun movies like The Rock and Bad Boys. Even the first Transformers was an entertaining, if dumb and silly, popcorn movie. Now he's become the laughingstock of Hollywood and one of the least-respected directors in the industry, especially concerning critics' opinions.
   Transformers: Age of Extinction may be better than the previous two installments, but it's still a steaming pile of shit. It's full of bad acting, bland writing, confusing action sequences, flashy cinematography (which is more distracting than cool), and it just drags on forever. It feels longer than Lawrence of Arabia and Lord of the Rings (the whole trilogy, plus the two Hobbit movies) combined. It also is filled to the brim with blatant, sometimes hilarious, product placement. (The scene where Marky Mark chugs a Bud Light in full view of the camera is pretty funny.) The only positive things I can say is that Wahlberg and Tucci at least try to make the best of it, and the visuals can be nice at times, but none of this is enough to make me recommend it to anyone. 1/5 stars.

 (Image: Wikipedia)