Here some films I am going to review soon:
Premium Rush (?), Red Hook Summer (?), The Expendables 2, Total Recall (?), The Possession, The Indiana Jones Trilogy (in celebration of the AMC IMAX re-release), Dredd, Looper, Perks of Being a Wallflower (?), Trouble with the Curve (?), Hotel Transylvania (?), Frankenweenie, Sinister, Taken 2, Argo, Seven Psychopaths, Paranormal Activity 4, Cloud Atlas, Fun Size (?), Man with the Iron Fists, Skyfall, Lincoln, Life of Pi, Red Dawn, Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger, Hyde Park on Hudson, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Les Miserables, Zero Dark Thirty, This is 40, Jack Reacher (??), The Impossible, Django Unchained, and The Guilt Trip. That's what will be what I'm reviewing from now until like January-ish.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Two more film-related tragedies
After the Batman shooting, everyone was thinking "what's worse than that?" Chris Bale, Hans Zimmer, and Warner Bros. helped the recovery by giving special gifts to the victims. Now, Tony Scott, director of the action blockbusters Top Gun, Beverly Hills Cop II, Crimson Tide, Man on Fire, and Enemy of the State, the cult classic vampire film The Hunger, the crime film True Romance (written by Quentin Tarantino), and the racing film Days of Thunder, has committed suicide. I don't know the specific reasons, but I believe it was something to do with a brain tumor diagnosis. He was the younger brother of Ridley Scott, director of Alien, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down, Thelma and Louise, Blade Runner, Matchstick Men, Kingdom of Heaven, Legend, G.I. Jane, Hannibal, 1492, American Ganster, and Prometheus. He also was the co-creator and owner of the brother's studio: "Scott Free". I do not like people who call him "selfish", because he probably killed himself so his family could not watch him suffer. Also, this isn't an official story, but there is some speculation that Nic Cage could have died in a skiing accident! More news on that later, if anything else comes up. Tony Scott will be in our memories forever, as long as his films continue to bring joy and excitement, (or terror) to the hearts of moviegoers.
Monday, August 20, 2012
The Campaign: the new political comedy
I went to Emeryville today with my family, we went to Fuddrucker's, Barnes and Noble, a sports shoppe, and AMC theaters. We saw Brave, we took a quick peek into the IMAX theater for Batman for a few minutes, and the short experience was amazing, and I saw The Campaign.
The Campaign:
All I can say is, it's hilarious. It's just as funny as The Hangover and Horrible Bosses. It's also better than 21 Jump Street and The Change-Up. The plot follows a congressman, Cam Brady, a Bush-style idiot who has affairs, does drugs, and drinks heavily. He passes off as a classic American family man, and has gone unopposed for years as the congressman of North Carolina. That is until the corrupt corporation owners the Motch Brothers decide to make more profit by hiring an opposing force, even though they already basically own Brady, too. In comes the somewhat odd, but kind and harmless, Christian family man Marty Huggins, wo loves his wife, kids, Jesus, and his two cute pugs. When he becomes a congressional candidate, a shady and secret agent-like campaign manager changes his entire life, and when the fued begins, their lives go straight to shit. Will Ferrell is hilarious as the George Bush-like character of Cam Brady, who is the typical corrupt politican: he has sex with every woman who flashes him a smile, he is owned by a giant company, and does dirty deals to win the election. ("Win at all costs" is his motto.) Zach Galifianakis is fantastic as the weird but nice Marty Huggins. He's an odd guy, but he's nice enough. He's the exact opposite of Brady: his wife actually loves him, (Brady's wife is a trophy wife who hates him, leaves him if his campaign numbers aren't good enough, and doesn't give a shit if he has affairs), he's honest and nice, he actually cares about voters, and he won't be bought by a mega-corporation. Jason Sudeikis (Horrible Bosses, SNL, Hall Pass) plays Brady's campaign manager Mitch, he's a good guy, but does do bad things to get Brady to win. Dylan McDermott (American Horror Story, and star of the upcoming Perks of Being a Wallflower) plays Tim Wattley, who is appointed as Huggins' campaign manager. He just appears in weird places, and follows Huggins around like a shadow. He ends up running his life, and just moving in with him. Brian Cox plays Marty's father, Raymond. He resents his son, and Marty doesn't even pick up on it, he prefers Marty's dick-head older brother, Tripp (Josh Lawson). Katherine LaNasa plays Brady's wife, Rose, who hates him, is a total selfish bitch, and is boguth of by the Motches to appear at Brady's campaign rallies. Sarah Baker plays Mitzi Huggins, Marty's faithful and loving wife. Karen Maruyam plays Ray Huggins's maid, Mrs. Yao, who is forced to speak in a Southern black maid accent, to remind Ray of "the good ole' days". Classic comedian Dan Aykroyd and renowned actor John Lithgow play the Motch brothers, the corrupt business dealers, who care only about profits, even though they're billionaires, they also own sweatshops in China and other Asian countries. There are tons of celebrity cameos, including John Goodman as a corrupt politician, and Bill Maher, Piers Morgan, Chris Matthews, the crew of Morning Joe, Wolf Blitzer, Dennis Miller, Ed Schultz and more as themselves. Another cameo is made by "Uggie" the cute dog from Academy Award-winning art film The Artist. The humor in the film is outstanding. They make fun of everything: over-the-top rallies, the media over-covering stupid politicians and celebrities, those stupid and nonsensical campaign commericals (like Rick Perry's commericals), stupid politicans, George Bush, corrupt politicans, the all-American image, and, especially, the use of the Bible and Jesus to win over voters. The reason I really enjoyed this film is because it's so original. I know what your saying "Really? This is the only political comedy you've seen?" No, that's not it. I love this film because it's not trying to be overly vulgar. Sure, it's very crude and nasty, but it's not like Hangover II or Ted where they try to be so nasty and vulgar it's just not funny anymore, it feels natural for this weird, over-the-top world. It's not crammed with pop-culture references (Ted), and the humor is always relevant to the plot. It's not like Family Guy where it's trails off to some clip or gag, it keeps with the plot, and every gag has a funny and satisfying punchline, unlike Family Guy where sometimes it's really funny, or it's just a mediocre joke to pad the run-time. The Campaign is a funny, relevant, and politically incorrect film, that I recommend to fans of The Hangover or Horrible Bosses. 4/5 stars.
The Campaign:
All I can say is, it's hilarious. It's just as funny as The Hangover and Horrible Bosses. It's also better than 21 Jump Street and The Change-Up. The plot follows a congressman, Cam Brady, a Bush-style idiot who has affairs, does drugs, and drinks heavily. He passes off as a classic American family man, and has gone unopposed for years as the congressman of North Carolina. That is until the corrupt corporation owners the Motch Brothers decide to make more profit by hiring an opposing force, even though they already basically own Brady, too. In comes the somewhat odd, but kind and harmless, Christian family man Marty Huggins, wo loves his wife, kids, Jesus, and his two cute pugs. When he becomes a congressional candidate, a shady and secret agent-like campaign manager changes his entire life, and when the fued begins, their lives go straight to shit. Will Ferrell is hilarious as the George Bush-like character of Cam Brady, who is the typical corrupt politican: he has sex with every woman who flashes him a smile, he is owned by a giant company, and does dirty deals to win the election. ("Win at all costs" is his motto.) Zach Galifianakis is fantastic as the weird but nice Marty Huggins. He's an odd guy, but he's nice enough. He's the exact opposite of Brady: his wife actually loves him, (Brady's wife is a trophy wife who hates him, leaves him if his campaign numbers aren't good enough, and doesn't give a shit if he has affairs), he's honest and nice, he actually cares about voters, and he won't be bought by a mega-corporation. Jason Sudeikis (Horrible Bosses, SNL, Hall Pass) plays Brady's campaign manager Mitch, he's a good guy, but does do bad things to get Brady to win. Dylan McDermott (American Horror Story, and star of the upcoming Perks of Being a Wallflower) plays Tim Wattley, who is appointed as Huggins' campaign manager. He just appears in weird places, and follows Huggins around like a shadow. He ends up running his life, and just moving in with him. Brian Cox plays Marty's father, Raymond. He resents his son, and Marty doesn't even pick up on it, he prefers Marty's dick-head older brother, Tripp (Josh Lawson). Katherine LaNasa plays Brady's wife, Rose, who hates him, is a total selfish bitch, and is boguth of by the Motches to appear at Brady's campaign rallies. Sarah Baker plays Mitzi Huggins, Marty's faithful and loving wife. Karen Maruyam plays Ray Huggins's maid, Mrs. Yao, who is forced to speak in a Southern black maid accent, to remind Ray of "the good ole' days". Classic comedian Dan Aykroyd and renowned actor John Lithgow play the Motch brothers, the corrupt business dealers, who care only about profits, even though they're billionaires, they also own sweatshops in China and other Asian countries. There are tons of celebrity cameos, including John Goodman as a corrupt politician, and Bill Maher, Piers Morgan, Chris Matthews, the crew of Morning Joe, Wolf Blitzer, Dennis Miller, Ed Schultz and more as themselves. Another cameo is made by "Uggie" the cute dog from Academy Award-winning art film The Artist. The humor in the film is outstanding. They make fun of everything: over-the-top rallies, the media over-covering stupid politicians and celebrities, those stupid and nonsensical campaign commericals (like Rick Perry's commericals), stupid politicans, George Bush, corrupt politicans, the all-American image, and, especially, the use of the Bible and Jesus to win over voters. The reason I really enjoyed this film is because it's so original. I know what your saying "Really? This is the only political comedy you've seen?" No, that's not it. I love this film because it's not trying to be overly vulgar. Sure, it's very crude and nasty, but it's not like Hangover II or Ted where they try to be so nasty and vulgar it's just not funny anymore, it feels natural for this weird, over-the-top world. It's not crammed with pop-culture references (Ted), and the humor is always relevant to the plot. It's not like Family Guy where it's trails off to some clip or gag, it keeps with the plot, and every gag has a funny and satisfying punchline, unlike Family Guy where sometimes it's really funny, or it's just a mediocre joke to pad the run-time. The Campaign is a funny, relevant, and politically incorrect film, that I recommend to fans of The Hangover or Horrible Bosses. 4/5 stars.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Beasts of the Southern Wild: WTF?
Beasts of the Southern Wild:
This is a film I have very, VERY mixed opinions on. It's a grimy, depressing mess, or: a beautiful, somewhat funny, somewhat sad look at a fantastical life from the view of a little, tomboyish girl. The plot follows Hushpuppy, a six-year-old girl, living with her alcoholic, bipolar, water-loving dad Wink, in a fictitious Southern wetlands community called "The Bathtub", populated by only what I can describe as "If Deliverance's villains were portrayed as good people". The Bathtub is cut off from the big city by a levee, and when a storm floods their home, the remaining survivors sail in their modified homes to blow up the levee, and stick it to the man. Many critics are giving this film endless praise, which puzzles me. Yes, it's a good and well-shot and acted film, but it's definitely not as whimsical or lovable as the trailers and critics portray it. It is a dark, gritty, grimy, raw film, where at no time do the residents of the Bathtub ever look clean. Even in a heartwarming scene at the end, the characters still look greasy, grimy, and nasty. It's an uncomfortable, unpleasant film to look at because of this, so the beautiful camerawork and special effects on the "beasts" in the film are wasted. That's another thing, there's this metaphorical subplot where, in Hushpuppy's mind, the ancient prehistoric beasts called aurochs have thawed from the ice caps, which Hushpuppy believes melted and flooded their home. The aurochs appear throughout the film as a metaphor for what's happening. At the end, Hushpuppy has a fantasy where she meets the beasts and tames them. The cast is good, but the characters they play are truly odd. Quvenzhane Wallis plays Hushpuppy, who, strangely, is being raised like a boy. Now I'm not saying that girls should be little pampered prissies, or that girls can't be strong or tough. But Wink, the father, constantly tries to toughen her up, beats her when he's drunk, and constantly calls her "the man", and makes her flex her muscles. Dwight Henry plays Wink. He's a weird character, at the beginning he's a loving father, which he is during the entire movie, but he switches from a loving guy, to a violent and crazed drunk. He also throws shit at Hushpuppy, and has her live in a separate trailer across from his, when she burns it down, he lets her sleep in his house, under strict rules. The others I can't remember, but they try to make people in this movie likeable, but they're really a bunch of, in my best possible words, stubborn, inbred freaks. They drink moonshine and let their kids drink alcohol, to toughen the kids up they let them curse. (Bathtub residents and kids call people who live in the city or use medical help "pussies") They have missing teeth, don't take help from doctors (because they represent an uptight society?), they barely use silverware, and they eat crabs straight from the shell, and let the kids lay on the shells as a bed. Everything about this film, besides the camerawork and special effects, is ugly, weird, and crazy. And people think Wes Anderson makes odd movies. The acting is great, if you look at it as a portrayal of stubborn, backwoods crazy people. Beasts of the Southern Wild was okay, but definitely not one of my best films of the year. Maybe it will be though, because the cinematography alone gets props, and the acting from that little girl is astounding. A six-year-old gives a convincing performance of a strong, yet weird character? Who would've thought? 3.5/5 stars.
This is a film I have very, VERY mixed opinions on. It's a grimy, depressing mess, or: a beautiful, somewhat funny, somewhat sad look at a fantastical life from the view of a little, tomboyish girl. The plot follows Hushpuppy, a six-year-old girl, living with her alcoholic, bipolar, water-loving dad Wink, in a fictitious Southern wetlands community called "The Bathtub", populated by only what I can describe as "If Deliverance's villains were portrayed as good people". The Bathtub is cut off from the big city by a levee, and when a storm floods their home, the remaining survivors sail in their modified homes to blow up the levee, and stick it to the man. Many critics are giving this film endless praise, which puzzles me. Yes, it's a good and well-shot and acted film, but it's definitely not as whimsical or lovable as the trailers and critics portray it. It is a dark, gritty, grimy, raw film, where at no time do the residents of the Bathtub ever look clean. Even in a heartwarming scene at the end, the characters still look greasy, grimy, and nasty. It's an uncomfortable, unpleasant film to look at because of this, so the beautiful camerawork and special effects on the "beasts" in the film are wasted. That's another thing, there's this metaphorical subplot where, in Hushpuppy's mind, the ancient prehistoric beasts called aurochs have thawed from the ice caps, which Hushpuppy believes melted and flooded their home. The aurochs appear throughout the film as a metaphor for what's happening. At the end, Hushpuppy has a fantasy where she meets the beasts and tames them. The cast is good, but the characters they play are truly odd. Quvenzhane Wallis plays Hushpuppy, who, strangely, is being raised like a boy. Now I'm not saying that girls should be little pampered prissies, or that girls can't be strong or tough. But Wink, the father, constantly tries to toughen her up, beats her when he's drunk, and constantly calls her "the man", and makes her flex her muscles. Dwight Henry plays Wink. He's a weird character, at the beginning he's a loving father, which he is during the entire movie, but he switches from a loving guy, to a violent and crazed drunk. He also throws shit at Hushpuppy, and has her live in a separate trailer across from his, when she burns it down, he lets her sleep in his house, under strict rules. The others I can't remember, but they try to make people in this movie likeable, but they're really a bunch of, in my best possible words, stubborn, inbred freaks. They drink moonshine and let their kids drink alcohol, to toughen the kids up they let them curse. (Bathtub residents and kids call people who live in the city or use medical help "pussies") They have missing teeth, don't take help from doctors (because they represent an uptight society?), they barely use silverware, and they eat crabs straight from the shell, and let the kids lay on the shells as a bed. Everything about this film, besides the camerawork and special effects, is ugly, weird, and crazy. And people think Wes Anderson makes odd movies. The acting is great, if you look at it as a portrayal of stubborn, backwoods crazy people. Beasts of the Southern Wild was okay, but definitely not one of my best films of the year. Maybe it will be though, because the cinematography alone gets props, and the acting from that little girl is astounding. A six-year-old gives a convincing performance of a strong, yet weird character? Who would've thought? 3.5/5 stars.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
The Bourne Movies Part II
The Bourne Ultimatum:
Bourne is on the run from the CIA. Blackbriar is now headed by Noah Vosen after Abbott (spoilers) committed suicide. Vosen considers Bourne a threat to the operation, and is attempting to kill him. Pam Landy is now Vosen's second-in-command, even though she proves to be Bourne's biggest ally. Bourne is now teamed with Nicky Parsons, as they run from the corrupt Blackbriar units, as Bourne tries to remember who he was before Treadstone, and how he got there. Matt Damon is just as tormented and dark as before, and is just as bad-ass. He is perfectly cast for the role of Bourne (real name: David Webb). Julia Stiles is Parsons, now Bourne's main ally, who travels the world with him, avoiding Vosen's forces. Joan Allen returns as Landy, now put in the second command seat, and often ignored by Vosen. David Strathairn plays Vosen, the main villain. He is a sinister man who tries to kill Bourne to tie loose ends, and cut Bourne's ties to Blackbriar and Treadstone. Albert Finney plays Dr. Albert Hirsch, the corrupt creator of Treadstone, creator of the Bourne persona, and trainer of the Treadstone operatives. Hirsch serves as the secondary villain. Scott Glenn plays corrupt CIA head Ezra Kramer, and Vosen's boss. Colin Stinton plays Neal Daniels, who witnessed Bourne's transformation by Treadstone, now head of the CIA station in Madrid. Tom Gallop returns as Landy's assisstant Tom Cronin. Corey Johnson plays Ray Willis, the opposite of Cronin and Vosen's assisstant. Joey Ansah and Edgar Ramirez plays Desh Bouksani and Paz, two Treadstone assassins sent to kill Bourne. Daniel Bruhn is Martin Kreutz, Marie's stepbrother, whom Bourne informs of Marie's death at the hands of Kirill. Paddy Considine plays Simon Ross, a British reporter for "The Guardian", who is going to write an expose on Bourne and Treadstone. There is not as much action in this film, mostly talking, but the end conforntation is great, as are the other small action scenes. As always, the writing and directing are great. Paul Greengrass, does a great job. Overall, The Bourne Ultimatum may not be the best, but it's certainly exhilirating and entertaining as hell. 4/5 stars.
The Bourne Legacy:
Aaron Cross, a volunteer for Outcome, a medical testing program, is at a training post in Alaska. But, Eric Byer, a CIA head, decides to destroy their post, killing a fellow Outcome agent. He does this because of the impact of Bourne's actions and the destruction of Blackbriar. Cross makes it to America, teaming up with the sexy Dr. Marta Shearing, a doctor at Outcome, to find out about this conspiracy, discover who he really is, and to find out his ties to Jason Bourne. Jeremy Renner is great as cross, a bad-ass, Bourne-like agent with exceptional skills. Rachel Weisz is Shearing, forming from damsel in distress to strong woman at the end. Edward Norton is great as Byer, a malevolent CIA head, and the leader of this Outcome investigation. Louis Ozawa Changchien plays LARX #3, an Taiwanese Outcome assassin sent to kill Cross. Joan Allen, David Strathairn, and Albert Finney return in supporting roles as Landy, Vosen, and Hirsch. Zeljko Ivanek plays Dr. Foite, Shearing's psycho co-worker. Donna Murphy and Stacy Keach (who starred with Norton in American History X) play assisstants to Byer. Scott Glenn returns as Ezra Kramer, a sinsister supporting role. Oscar Isaac makes a cameo as Number Three, an Outcome agent in Alaska with Cross. The action is very good, the most action in any of the movies. from the opening hunting scenes and drone scene, to the intense gunfight at Shearing's country home, to the suspensful chase at the Outcome factory in Manila, to the final and very long car/motorcycle chase in Thailand. The music by James Newton Howard is good, and "Extreme Ways" is remixed at the end. The writing is clever and intriguing, and is directed by Tony Gilroy, who wrote this film and the original trilogy. The Bourne Legacy, like last year's Rise of the Planet of the Apes demands a sequel, maybe a trilogy, and I can't wait to see what comes next. 3.5/5 stars.
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Bourne is on the run from the CIA. Blackbriar is now headed by Noah Vosen after Abbott (spoilers) committed suicide. Vosen considers Bourne a threat to the operation, and is attempting to kill him. Pam Landy is now Vosen's second-in-command, even though she proves to be Bourne's biggest ally. Bourne is now teamed with Nicky Parsons, as they run from the corrupt Blackbriar units, as Bourne tries to remember who he was before Treadstone, and how he got there. Matt Damon is just as tormented and dark as before, and is just as bad-ass. He is perfectly cast for the role of Bourne (real name: David Webb). Julia Stiles is Parsons, now Bourne's main ally, who travels the world with him, avoiding Vosen's forces. Joan Allen returns as Landy, now put in the second command seat, and often ignored by Vosen. David Strathairn plays Vosen, the main villain. He is a sinister man who tries to kill Bourne to tie loose ends, and cut Bourne's ties to Blackbriar and Treadstone. Albert Finney plays Dr. Albert Hirsch, the corrupt creator of Treadstone, creator of the Bourne persona, and trainer of the Treadstone operatives. Hirsch serves as the secondary villain. Scott Glenn plays corrupt CIA head Ezra Kramer, and Vosen's boss. Colin Stinton plays Neal Daniels, who witnessed Bourne's transformation by Treadstone, now head of the CIA station in Madrid. Tom Gallop returns as Landy's assisstant Tom Cronin. Corey Johnson plays Ray Willis, the opposite of Cronin and Vosen's assisstant. Joey Ansah and Edgar Ramirez plays Desh Bouksani and Paz, two Treadstone assassins sent to kill Bourne. Daniel Bruhn is Martin Kreutz, Marie's stepbrother, whom Bourne informs of Marie's death at the hands of Kirill. Paddy Considine plays Simon Ross, a British reporter for "The Guardian", who is going to write an expose on Bourne and Treadstone. There is not as much action in this film, mostly talking, but the end conforntation is great, as are the other small action scenes. As always, the writing and directing are great. Paul Greengrass, does a great job. Overall, The Bourne Ultimatum may not be the best, but it's certainly exhilirating and entertaining as hell. 4/5 stars.
The Bourne Legacy:
Aaron Cross, a volunteer for Outcome, a medical testing program, is at a training post in Alaska. But, Eric Byer, a CIA head, decides to destroy their post, killing a fellow Outcome agent. He does this because of the impact of Bourne's actions and the destruction of Blackbriar. Cross makes it to America, teaming up with the sexy Dr. Marta Shearing, a doctor at Outcome, to find out about this conspiracy, discover who he really is, and to find out his ties to Jason Bourne. Jeremy Renner is great as cross, a bad-ass, Bourne-like agent with exceptional skills. Rachel Weisz is Shearing, forming from damsel in distress to strong woman at the end. Edward Norton is great as Byer, a malevolent CIA head, and the leader of this Outcome investigation. Louis Ozawa Changchien plays LARX #3, an Taiwanese Outcome assassin sent to kill Cross. Joan Allen, David Strathairn, and Albert Finney return in supporting roles as Landy, Vosen, and Hirsch. Zeljko Ivanek plays Dr. Foite, Shearing's psycho co-worker. Donna Murphy and Stacy Keach (who starred with Norton in American History X) play assisstants to Byer. Scott Glenn returns as Ezra Kramer, a sinsister supporting role. Oscar Isaac makes a cameo as Number Three, an Outcome agent in Alaska with Cross. The action is very good, the most action in any of the movies. from the opening hunting scenes and drone scene, to the intense gunfight at Shearing's country home, to the suspensful chase at the Outcome factory in Manila, to the final and very long car/motorcycle chase in Thailand. The music by James Newton Howard is good, and "Extreme Ways" is remixed at the end. The writing is clever and intriguing, and is directed by Tony Gilroy, who wrote this film and the original trilogy. The Bourne Legacy, like last year's Rise of the Planet of the Apes demands a sequel, maybe a trilogy, and I can't wait to see what comes next. 3.5/5 stars.
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Friday, August 10, 2012
The Bourne Movies Part I
I am about to go over the very loose adaptations of Robert Ludlum's famous book series, which are good in their own right. Contains some spoilers.
The Bourne Identity:
A man is found by a boat floating in the middle of the Mediterranean ocean, and doesn't remember who he is, or why he has two bullets in his back. He travels to Switzerland and finds multiple fake ID's, choosing the identity of "Jason Bourne". He goes on a quest of finding out who he really is, gaining few allies, but many dangerous enemies. he also finds he may or may not be tied to a government conspiracy in the CIA, and linked to something called "Treadstone". Matt Damon is great as the mysterious, highly-skilled, and amnesia-stricken Jason Bourne. Franka Potente is Bourne's ally and love interest Marie Kruetz, a French-German girl who gives Jason a ride, but then gets sucked into his problems. Brian Cox is great as the sinister Ward Abbott, head of the Bourne investigation. Chris Cooper plays Alex Conklin, the second-in-command of the Bourne investigation. Clive Owen plays an un-named assassin, code-named "The Professor", who is sent to kill Bourne. Julia Stiles plays Nicolette "Nicky" Parsons, who assissts Conklin in tracking Bourne and Kruetz. Nicky Baude plays an assassin code-named "Castel", sent to ambush Bourne in a hotel. Russell Levy plays a cold killer code-named "Mannheim" at the end of the film. Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje plays Nykwana Wombosi, an exiled African dictator that Bourne was sent to kill, but didn't. Tim Dutton is Eamon, Marie's British friend who lets Bourne stay the night at his country home. The action in the film isn't heavy, but when it does happen, it's intense and suspenseful. From the car chase, to the fight with Castel, to the encounter with the Professor, to the ending gunfight in the Treadstone safehouse. This intense, reaistic style of action inspired the gritty reboots of James Bond and Batman. The music by John Powell is good, but the ending theme: "Extreme Ways" by Moby, proved so popular and iconic, that it is used at the end of every Bourne film to date. The writing is clever, tying all the action to the plot, and having weird twists at every turn. The direction by Doug Liman and production are excellent, and Bourne creator and author Ludlum served as executive producer. Because of the great and complex characters, plot, and great action, The Bourne Identity still holds up today, and is one of the best modern action films, and one of the greatest spy-thiller films ever. 4/5 stars.
The Bourne Supremacy:
Bourne and Marie are happily living together in India, free of Treadstone. Unfortuantely, Abbott, after (spoilers) killing Conklin at the climax of the last movie, is still searching for them, using his connections to the Russian government and oil producer Yuri Gretkov to secure an assassin, Kirill, who kills Marie and leaves Bourne heart-broken. Bourne then continues his investigation of Treadstone and Abbott's new operations, Blackbriar. Peril ensues, as Deputy Director Pam Landy takes hold of the Bourne investigation, and Bourne travels Europe, evading cops, the corrupt CIA, and Kirill. He also finds he is possibly tied to an assassination of a Russian politician in Berlin. Matt Damon is back as a more bad-ass Bourne. He is now a more dark and psychotic man, after the death of Marie, and seems more unstable, meaning he could snap at any minute. Franka Potente is back in a brief role as Marie, just as kind and caring, until her brains are blown out. Brian Cox reveals even more of an evil side as the malevolent and shady Abbott. Karl Urban is good as Kirill, the cold and creepy Russian assassin, and the secondary antagonist. Joan Allen is great as the headstrong Landy, who at first is an antagonist, but forms a shaky alliance with Bourne near the end. Julia Stiles is good as Nicky Parsons, returning from the previous film, now in a bigger role as a major player in the Bourne investigation. Martin Csokas plays Jarda, the last remaining Treadstone operative. Karel Roden plays Yuri Gretkov, the shady friend and ally of Abott, and employer of Kirill. Gabriel Mann is Danny Zorn, Abbott's eager and young assisstant, who starts to suspect a conspiracy. There is more action in this film than the previous. From the car chase in India, to the fight with Jarda at his home, to the climactic car chase in Moscow. The writing is as good as ever, and the production value is great. Paul Greengrass (who would direct the next film) is great at directing Bourne. We once more travel Europe with Jason, seeing the beautiful locations, and the not so beautiful ones. Overall, The Bourne Supremacy is a thrilling action film, one of the best spy films ever. 4.5/5 stars.
Next: Part II!
The Bourne Identity:
A man is found by a boat floating in the middle of the Mediterranean ocean, and doesn't remember who he is, or why he has two bullets in his back. He travels to Switzerland and finds multiple fake ID's, choosing the identity of "Jason Bourne". He goes on a quest of finding out who he really is, gaining few allies, but many dangerous enemies. he also finds he may or may not be tied to a government conspiracy in the CIA, and linked to something called "Treadstone". Matt Damon is great as the mysterious, highly-skilled, and amnesia-stricken Jason Bourne. Franka Potente is Bourne's ally and love interest Marie Kruetz, a French-German girl who gives Jason a ride, but then gets sucked into his problems. Brian Cox is great as the sinister Ward Abbott, head of the Bourne investigation. Chris Cooper plays Alex Conklin, the second-in-command of the Bourne investigation. Clive Owen plays an un-named assassin, code-named "The Professor", who is sent to kill Bourne. Julia Stiles plays Nicolette "Nicky" Parsons, who assissts Conklin in tracking Bourne and Kruetz. Nicky Baude plays an assassin code-named "Castel", sent to ambush Bourne in a hotel. Russell Levy plays a cold killer code-named "Mannheim" at the end of the film. Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje plays Nykwana Wombosi, an exiled African dictator that Bourne was sent to kill, but didn't. Tim Dutton is Eamon, Marie's British friend who lets Bourne stay the night at his country home. The action in the film isn't heavy, but when it does happen, it's intense and suspenseful. From the car chase, to the fight with Castel, to the encounter with the Professor, to the ending gunfight in the Treadstone safehouse. This intense, reaistic style of action inspired the gritty reboots of James Bond and Batman. The music by John Powell is good, but the ending theme: "Extreme Ways" by Moby, proved so popular and iconic, that it is used at the end of every Bourne film to date. The writing is clever, tying all the action to the plot, and having weird twists at every turn. The direction by Doug Liman and production are excellent, and Bourne creator and author Ludlum served as executive producer. Because of the great and complex characters, plot, and great action, The Bourne Identity still holds up today, and is one of the best modern action films, and one of the greatest spy-thiller films ever. 4/5 stars.
The Bourne Supremacy:
Bourne and Marie are happily living together in India, free of Treadstone. Unfortuantely, Abbott, after (spoilers) killing Conklin at the climax of the last movie, is still searching for them, using his connections to the Russian government and oil producer Yuri Gretkov to secure an assassin, Kirill, who kills Marie and leaves Bourne heart-broken. Bourne then continues his investigation of Treadstone and Abbott's new operations, Blackbriar. Peril ensues, as Deputy Director Pam Landy takes hold of the Bourne investigation, and Bourne travels Europe, evading cops, the corrupt CIA, and Kirill. He also finds he is possibly tied to an assassination of a Russian politician in Berlin. Matt Damon is back as a more bad-ass Bourne. He is now a more dark and psychotic man, after the death of Marie, and seems more unstable, meaning he could snap at any minute. Franka Potente is back in a brief role as Marie, just as kind and caring, until her brains are blown out. Brian Cox reveals even more of an evil side as the malevolent and shady Abbott. Karl Urban is good as Kirill, the cold and creepy Russian assassin, and the secondary antagonist. Joan Allen is great as the headstrong Landy, who at first is an antagonist, but forms a shaky alliance with Bourne near the end. Julia Stiles is good as Nicky Parsons, returning from the previous film, now in a bigger role as a major player in the Bourne investigation. Martin Csokas plays Jarda, the last remaining Treadstone operative. Karel Roden plays Yuri Gretkov, the shady friend and ally of Abott, and employer of Kirill. Gabriel Mann is Danny Zorn, Abbott's eager and young assisstant, who starts to suspect a conspiracy. There is more action in this film than the previous. From the car chase in India, to the fight with Jarda at his home, to the climactic car chase in Moscow. The writing is as good as ever, and the production value is great. Paul Greengrass (who would direct the next film) is great at directing Bourne. We once more travel Europe with Jason, seeing the beautiful locations, and the not so beautiful ones. Overall, The Bourne Supremacy is a thrilling action film, one of the best spy films ever. 4.5/5 stars.
Next: Part II!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
We move on through the 2013 films.
Let's get on with it!!!:
August:
300: Rise of an Empire (originally 300, Battle of Artemisia): Written by Zack Snyder, with none of the original cast. Maybe.
RED 2: A sequel to the highly acclaimed graphic novel-based action-comedy RED. Starring Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich, Neal McDonough, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Karl Urban, and Anthony Hopkins. YES!!!!
RoboCop (originally announed in 2008 for 2010 release, then 2012 release): WTF??? Wait, it's got Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Hugh Laurie, and Jackie Earle Haley are in it? Maybe it will be bad-ass. Maybe.
Percy Jackson, Sea of Monsters: Another movie in this mediocre fantasy franchise. I hear the books are way better. So, get outside, go to a book store, go back inside, sit on your ass, read.
The Mortal Instruments, The City of Bones: I don't know what this is, except for it's got Lily Collins in it, and it's an action-fantasy teen film, probably a Twilight/Harry Potter/Hunger Games/Percy Jackson knock-off.
Leo the Lion: There is no info. besides it's a family comedy, it's a Weinstein Co. production, and it's animated.
Insidious Chapter 2: All the cast return, hopefully it picks up immeadietly where the first left off, answer some questions, present new ones. Gonna be sick.
September:
The Little Mermaid 3D: WTF?? You know what makes every classic better, 3-D!! A cheap gimmick. Coming soon: Willy Wonka, Wizard of Oz, Planet of the Apes, A Clockwork Orange, and Star Wars, in dazzling 3-D!!!!!!
Paranoia: A crime film with Liam Hemsworth (brother of Chris?), Gary Oldman, Harrison Ford, and Richard Dreyfuss. Fuck yes.
Runner Runner: A crime film with Ben Affleck, Justin Timberlake, and Anthony Mackie. Maybe.
October:
Sin City, A Dame to Kill For: FUCK YEAH!!! Aftr 8 years of waiting, a Sin City sequel/prequel is here! Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez are back as directors/writers. Confirmed as returning cast members are Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba, and Michael Madsen. There have been rumours of Bruce Willis returning in a short segment set before his story in the previous film. I imagine Rosario Dawson, Clive Owen, Benicio Del Toro, Davon Akoi, and Alexis Bledel will return because thye play big roles in this story. Elijah Wood and Carla Gugino will probably (unfortunately) not return due to the fact that they died in the preceeding film, and their characters do not play a big role in this story. Yes!!!
Untitled Henry Selick film: A Walt Disney animated feature, no info so far. But probably will be sick.
Captain Phillips: A biography starring Tom Hanks, Catherine Keener, and others. Cool. Hanks is an acting genius, so, it will probably be good.
The Seventh Son: A fantasy-action adventure film, following a 14-year-old apprentice of "The Spook", the apprentice happens to be the seventh son of a seventh son. Starring Jeff Bridges, Ben Barnes, and Julianne Moore. Maybe.
The Trick or Treaters: Another Weinstein animated film with no info. Probably a horror-Halloween film.
November:
Ender's Game: An upcoming sci-fi film based on the novel by Orson Scott Card. It stars Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley, etc. To be a combination of the first and second novels. Sounds cool.
White House Down: An action film directed by B-movie king Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, Anonymous, Godzilla remake, Stargate), with Maggie Gyllenhaal, James Woods, Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, and Richard Jenkins.
Mr. Peabody and Sherman: A reboot of the classic animated shorts. Maybe.
One Direction 3D concert: NO!! Really? Do these idiots really think they'll last forever. Guess who else had concert films: Jonas Bros., Hannah Montana, Justin Bieber. Look how many people care about them. You are just another temporary studio cash cow. Fuck you, One Direction.
Thor, The Dark World: Yes!! I don't think the original was perfect, but I enjoyed it okay. This sounds awesome. The original cast, including Tom Hiddleston as Loki, Idris Elba as Heimdall, Anthony Hopkins as Odin, and Renee Russo as Frigga, are back. The only cast member missing is Joshua Dallas as Fandral, a warrior. He is replaced by Zachary Levi of Chuck, due to a scheduling conflict. The new villain is the powerful villain Malekith the Accursed, a major villain in the comics. Fuck yes!! (Sorry for the constant swearing.)
Hunger Games, Catching Fire: I have started to feel the original is pretty mediocre, so I'm not looking forward to this film too much.
Frozen: A Disney animated adventure comedy with Kristen Bell. Based on the Han Christrian Anderson tale The Snow Queen.
December:
Santapprentice: An animated Weinstein production. Again, no info. Funny enough, it's almost like they're doing a film for each season, Summer (Leo the Lion), Halloween (Trick or Treaters), and Christmas (this movie).
The Hobbit, Part II; I can't wait. But why does every single fantasy epic have to be split in two parts. As soon as Harry Potter did it, then every one did it. Twilight, The Hobbit, and finally the upcoming Mockingjay. The crew are contemplating splitting it into three parts. This book is half the size of the other movies, which you assholes left uncut. That's 4 hours without a bathrrom break. Four hours!!
Walking With Dinosaurs 3D: A 20th Century Fox animated family film. We all know those are always quality productions.
The Secret Life of Walter Milly: A Ben Stiller directed film, starring himself, SNL star and Bridesmaids writer and star Kristen Wiig, Patton Oswalt, etc. This might be good, but Ben Stiller holiday films go from good (Night at the Museum), to awful (Little Fockers). Maybe.
August:
300: Rise of an Empire (originally 300, Battle of Artemisia): Written by Zack Snyder, with none of the original cast. Maybe.
RED 2: A sequel to the highly acclaimed graphic novel-based action-comedy RED. Starring Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich, Neal McDonough, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Karl Urban, and Anthony Hopkins. YES!!!!
RoboCop (originally announed in 2008 for 2010 release, then 2012 release): WTF??? Wait, it's got Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Hugh Laurie, and Jackie Earle Haley are in it? Maybe it will be bad-ass. Maybe.
Percy Jackson, Sea of Monsters: Another movie in this mediocre fantasy franchise. I hear the books are way better. So, get outside, go to a book store, go back inside, sit on your ass, read.
The Mortal Instruments, The City of Bones: I don't know what this is, except for it's got Lily Collins in it, and it's an action-fantasy teen film, probably a Twilight/Harry Potter/Hunger Games/Percy Jackson knock-off.
Leo the Lion: There is no info. besides it's a family comedy, it's a Weinstein Co. production, and it's animated.
Insidious Chapter 2: All the cast return, hopefully it picks up immeadietly where the first left off, answer some questions, present new ones. Gonna be sick.
September:
The Little Mermaid 3D: WTF?? You know what makes every classic better, 3-D!! A cheap gimmick. Coming soon: Willy Wonka, Wizard of Oz, Planet of the Apes, A Clockwork Orange, and Star Wars, in dazzling 3-D!!!!!!
Paranoia: A crime film with Liam Hemsworth (brother of Chris?), Gary Oldman, Harrison Ford, and Richard Dreyfuss. Fuck yes.
Runner Runner: A crime film with Ben Affleck, Justin Timberlake, and Anthony Mackie. Maybe.
October:
Sin City, A Dame to Kill For: FUCK YEAH!!! Aftr 8 years of waiting, a Sin City sequel/prequel is here! Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez are back as directors/writers. Confirmed as returning cast members are Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba, and Michael Madsen. There have been rumours of Bruce Willis returning in a short segment set before his story in the previous film. I imagine Rosario Dawson, Clive Owen, Benicio Del Toro, Davon Akoi, and Alexis Bledel will return because thye play big roles in this story. Elijah Wood and Carla Gugino will probably (unfortunately) not return due to the fact that they died in the preceeding film, and their characters do not play a big role in this story. Yes!!!
Untitled Henry Selick film: A Walt Disney animated feature, no info so far. But probably will be sick.
Captain Phillips: A biography starring Tom Hanks, Catherine Keener, and others. Cool. Hanks is an acting genius, so, it will probably be good.
The Seventh Son: A fantasy-action adventure film, following a 14-year-old apprentice of "The Spook", the apprentice happens to be the seventh son of a seventh son. Starring Jeff Bridges, Ben Barnes, and Julianne Moore. Maybe.
The Trick or Treaters: Another Weinstein animated film with no info. Probably a horror-Halloween film.
November:
Ender's Game: An upcoming sci-fi film based on the novel by Orson Scott Card. It stars Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley, etc. To be a combination of the first and second novels. Sounds cool.
White House Down: An action film directed by B-movie king Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, Anonymous, Godzilla remake, Stargate), with Maggie Gyllenhaal, James Woods, Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, and Richard Jenkins.
Mr. Peabody and Sherman: A reboot of the classic animated shorts. Maybe.
One Direction 3D concert: NO!! Really? Do these idiots really think they'll last forever. Guess who else had concert films: Jonas Bros., Hannah Montana, Justin Bieber. Look how many people care about them. You are just another temporary studio cash cow. Fuck you, One Direction.
Thor, The Dark World: Yes!! I don't think the original was perfect, but I enjoyed it okay. This sounds awesome. The original cast, including Tom Hiddleston as Loki, Idris Elba as Heimdall, Anthony Hopkins as Odin, and Renee Russo as Frigga, are back. The only cast member missing is Joshua Dallas as Fandral, a warrior. He is replaced by Zachary Levi of Chuck, due to a scheduling conflict. The new villain is the powerful villain Malekith the Accursed, a major villain in the comics. Fuck yes!! (Sorry for the constant swearing.)
Hunger Games, Catching Fire: I have started to feel the original is pretty mediocre, so I'm not looking forward to this film too much.
Frozen: A Disney animated adventure comedy with Kristen Bell. Based on the Han Christrian Anderson tale The Snow Queen.
December:
Santapprentice: An animated Weinstein production. Again, no info. Funny enough, it's almost like they're doing a film for each season, Summer (Leo the Lion), Halloween (Trick or Treaters), and Christmas (this movie).
The Hobbit, Part II; I can't wait. But why does every single fantasy epic have to be split in two parts. As soon as Harry Potter did it, then every one did it. Twilight, The Hobbit, and finally the upcoming Mockingjay. The crew are contemplating splitting it into three parts. This book is half the size of the other movies, which you assholes left uncut. That's 4 hours without a bathrrom break. Four hours!!
Walking With Dinosaurs 3D: A 20th Century Fox animated family film. We all know those are always quality productions.
The Secret Life of Walter Milly: A Ben Stiller directed film, starring himself, SNL star and Bridesmaids writer and star Kristen Wiig, Patton Oswalt, etc. This might be good, but Ben Stiller holiday films go from good (Night at the Museum), to awful (Little Fockers). Maybe.
What's coming out the next few years continued.
We move on throughout 2013:
April:
Dead Man Down: An action-thriller starring Colin Farrell, Noomi Rapace, Dominic Cooper, and Terence Howard. Sweet.
The Heat: An action-comedy with Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock. Maybe.
42: A documentary sports-drama starring Harrison Ford, Christopher Meloni, etc. Bad-ass.
Disconnect: A crime film starring comedian Jason Bateman, Alexander Skarsgard, etc.
Evil Dead: A remake? What the FUCK?!!!!! Well, the screenplay is written by Sam Raimi and others. Maybe.
Scary Movie 5: WHAT???!!!! After 8 years, they don't understan this franchise is dead? It's starring former Disney star Ashley Tisdale, this is bad. And there was already another horror movie parody set around the same release date called A Haunted House, from the original creators of this series, with the same subject of parody: found footage movies.
Oblivion: A sci-fi action film with Tom Cruise, Morgan Freeman, Zoe Bell, Olga Kurylenko, and no-names. Worse than Scary Movie 5?
May:
Iron Man 3: FUCK YEAH!!!!! Based on the legendary "Extremis" comic book arc, with Iron Man's archnemesis The Mandarin as the villain. Once again, FUCK YEAH!!!!
Identity Thief: A comedy with Jason Bateman, John Cho, Melissa McCarthy, Jon Favreu, etc.
Star Trek 2: Fuck Yeah! After 4 years of waiting, it's finally here! Yeah!!
Epic: A family, comedy, adventure-fantasy film starring Beyonce, Colin Farrell, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Knoxville, Josh Hutcherson, and more. Uhh, I don't know.
Fast Six: The sixth, yes, SIXTH, in the Fast and Furious franchise. I'm not sure, I liked the last one, even though it can be nonsensical and annoying.
The Hangover Part III: WTF?? The first was hilarious, the second mediocre, now what's this gonna be like. Hopefully not another rehashing.
June:
After Earth: A sci-fi film directed by M. Night Shyamaln, trying to recover from Lady in the Water and The Last Airbender. Starring, uggh, Jaden Smith, Will Smith, etc. Bad.
The End of the World: A comedy with an ensemble cast, including Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Emma Watson, Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Michael Cera, Rihanna, and Jay Baruchel. Directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg. FUCK. YES.
Man of Steel: A reboot of the series, directed by 300, and Watchmen director Zack Snyder, and produced by Christopher Nolan. Fuck Yeah!!
Monsters University: Finally, after 12 years, is the prequel to the highly acclaimed Monsters, Inc. it's abut the beloved characters in college. I'm not sure, a good movie, or cheap cash cow? We'll see.
World War Z (originally to be released in December 2012): Fuck yeah!! The highly anticipated adaptation of Max Brooks, son of Mel Brooks, zombie-themed action-horror novel. Starring Brad Pitt and others. Yes!!!
The Intership: A comedy from Shawn Levy and Vince Vaugh, starring Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Rose Byrne, and others. Maybe it'll be good. Maybe.
R.I.P.D.: An action-horror-comedy starring Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Jeff Bridges, etc. Maybe.
July:
Despicable Me 2: No introduction, it'll be good, or just okay. I'm not sure.
Independence Day 3D re-release: WHY???
Grown Ups 2: What. The. Fuck. Why??????????
Pacific Rim: A sci-fi action film directed by Guillermo Del Toro, starring Charlie Hunnam, Ron Perlman, Idris Elba, Willem Dafoe, and Charlie Day. Fuck yes.
Jurassic Park 3D: WHY?
Turbo: A Dreamworks film about super-fast racing snails, starring Ryan Reynolds, Paul Giamatti (?), Michael Pena, Bill Hader (?), Richard Jenkins, Ken Jeong, Michelle Rodriguez, Kurtwood Smith, Snoop Dogg, and Samuel L. Jackson ???? What the hell?
Phineas and Ferb: WTF?? One of the few Disney shows I don't think is that bad, and they have to ruin it, don't they?
The Wolverine: A sequel to the mediocre X-Men Origins film, set in Japan or somehwere around there. Cool.
The Smurfs 2: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April:
Dead Man Down: An action-thriller starring Colin Farrell, Noomi Rapace, Dominic Cooper, and Terence Howard. Sweet.
The Heat: An action-comedy with Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock. Maybe.
42: A documentary sports-drama starring Harrison Ford, Christopher Meloni, etc. Bad-ass.
Disconnect: A crime film starring comedian Jason Bateman, Alexander Skarsgard, etc.
Evil Dead: A remake? What the FUCK?!!!!! Well, the screenplay is written by Sam Raimi and others. Maybe.
Scary Movie 5: WHAT???!!!! After 8 years, they don't understan this franchise is dead? It's starring former Disney star Ashley Tisdale, this is bad. And there was already another horror movie parody set around the same release date called A Haunted House, from the original creators of this series, with the same subject of parody: found footage movies.
Oblivion: A sci-fi action film with Tom Cruise, Morgan Freeman, Zoe Bell, Olga Kurylenko, and no-names. Worse than Scary Movie 5?
May:
Iron Man 3: FUCK YEAH!!!!! Based on the legendary "Extremis" comic book arc, with Iron Man's archnemesis The Mandarin as the villain. Once again, FUCK YEAH!!!!
Identity Thief: A comedy with Jason Bateman, John Cho, Melissa McCarthy, Jon Favreu, etc.
Star Trek 2: Fuck Yeah! After 4 years of waiting, it's finally here! Yeah!!
Epic: A family, comedy, adventure-fantasy film starring Beyonce, Colin Farrell, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Knoxville, Josh Hutcherson, and more. Uhh, I don't know.
Fast Six: The sixth, yes, SIXTH, in the Fast and Furious franchise. I'm not sure, I liked the last one, even though it can be nonsensical and annoying.
The Hangover Part III: WTF?? The first was hilarious, the second mediocre, now what's this gonna be like. Hopefully not another rehashing.
June:
After Earth: A sci-fi film directed by M. Night Shyamaln, trying to recover from Lady in the Water and The Last Airbender. Starring, uggh, Jaden Smith, Will Smith, etc. Bad.
The End of the World: A comedy with an ensemble cast, including Seth Rogen, James Franco, Danny McBride, Emma Watson, Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Michael Cera, Rihanna, and Jay Baruchel. Directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg. FUCK. YES.
Man of Steel: A reboot of the series, directed by 300, and Watchmen director Zack Snyder, and produced by Christopher Nolan. Fuck Yeah!!
Monsters University: Finally, after 12 years, is the prequel to the highly acclaimed Monsters, Inc. it's abut the beloved characters in college. I'm not sure, a good movie, or cheap cash cow? We'll see.
World War Z (originally to be released in December 2012): Fuck yeah!! The highly anticipated adaptation of Max Brooks, son of Mel Brooks, zombie-themed action-horror novel. Starring Brad Pitt and others. Yes!!!
The Intership: A comedy from Shawn Levy and Vince Vaugh, starring Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Rose Byrne, and others. Maybe it'll be good. Maybe.
R.I.P.D.: An action-horror-comedy starring Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Jeff Bridges, etc. Maybe.
July:
Despicable Me 2: No introduction, it'll be good, or just okay. I'm not sure.
Independence Day 3D re-release: WHY???
Grown Ups 2: What. The. Fuck. Why??????????
Pacific Rim: A sci-fi action film directed by Guillermo Del Toro, starring Charlie Hunnam, Ron Perlman, Idris Elba, Willem Dafoe, and Charlie Day. Fuck yes.
Jurassic Park 3D: WHY?
Turbo: A Dreamworks film about super-fast racing snails, starring Ryan Reynolds, Paul Giamatti (?), Michael Pena, Bill Hader (?), Richard Jenkins, Ken Jeong, Michelle Rodriguez, Kurtwood Smith, Snoop Dogg, and Samuel L. Jackson ???? What the hell?
Phineas and Ferb: WTF?? One of the few Disney shows I don't think is that bad, and they have to ruin it, don't they?
The Wolverine: A sequel to the mediocre X-Men Origins film, set in Japan or somehwere around there. Cool.
The Smurfs 2: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
What's coming up in the next few years.
I've seen the Wikipedia page on the upcoming films. It spans 2013-2014. I'd like to tell you what I think of some of the bigger up-coming films:
2013:
January:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D (originally scheduled for October 2012): I will definitely see this movie. It'll probably be bad, and, as always, will ignore all previous films except for the 1974 original, it is taking place between the first and second films, explaining some of the differences. The Leatherface design looks pretty bad-ass.
Gangster Squad (originally set for September 2012): Looks pretty good. Lots of good, 40's style action scenes, with an all-star cast. Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Giovanni Ribisi, Nick Nolte, Sean Penn, Josh Pence, Josh Brolin, Robert Patrick, and Michael Pena.
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters: Jeremy Renner, Peter Stormare, Famke Janssen, etc. WTF??
Broken City: An upcoming crime-drama with Mark Wahlberg, Russell Crowe, and and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Not much info, but sounds good.
The Last Stand: An upcoming action-thriller about a sheriff fending his border town from invaing Mexican cartels. Arnold Schwarzenegger's first leading role since Terminator 3, which will also feature Forest Whitaker, Peter Stormare, and Johnny Knoxville. Directed by an Asian action director. Really?
Movie 43: An epic comedy films comprised of 23 short segments, with several all-star directors, including Peter Farrelly (of the Farrelly bros.), Elizabeth Banks, Brett Ratner, James Gunn, and Bob Odenkirk.
February:
Bullet to the Head: An action film starring Sylvester Stallone, Christian Slater, and a bunch of Asian actors I've unfamiliar with that are probably famous in other countries. Really?
47 Ronin: An action epic based on a Japanese legend, starring Keanu Reeves, and more Asian actors I've never heard of.
Warm Bodies: An upcoming horror film starring Teresa Palmer, Nicholas Hoult, and John Malkovich.
Side Effects (originally "The Bitter Pill"): Rooney Mara, Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Jude Law star in Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Erin Brokovich, Magic Mike, Contagion, Haywire)'s new psychological thriller.
Beautiful Creatures: Viola Davis, Emma Thompson, Emmy Rossum, and Jeremy Irons star in this fantasy-drama based on the bestselling teen novel by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl.
A Good Day to Die Hard: Really? After the mediocre film Live Free or Die Hard, why have another addition to this dead franchise? Also, it's directed by Irish filmmaker John Moore, director of such films as Behind Enemy Lines, The Omen remake, and, uggh, Max Payne.
Escape from Planet Earth: A family comedy-sci fi film starring Brendan Fraser (I thought his career was dead), Jessica Alba, James Gandolfini, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jane Lynch, and Paul Reubens. I have lost hope for us.
I, Frankenstein: An upcoming horror film starring Aaron Eckhardt (Thank You For Smoking, The Dark Knight), Bill Nighy, and Aden Young. It's directed by Australian Stuart Beattie, who wrote Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, 30 Days of Night, and Collateral, unfortunately he also wrote The Messengers, Punisher: War Zone, Australia (how self-indulging of your country) and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Hopefully, he goes back to the style of his earlier works. Hopefully.
The Marriage Counselor: A Tyler Perry film with Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Williams. This is bad. Very bad.
March:
Elysium: Neill Blomkamp (director of District 9) sci-fi film starring Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, William Fichtner, and more. Seems cool.
Stoker: A new thriller film starring a few B-list actors. I don't know how to feel about it.
Oz, The Great and Powerful: A Sam Raimi/Disney production, detailing the origins of Oz. Oscar Diggs, played by James Franco, is a con artist/magician, who is whisked away to the land of Oz, where he meets three witches: Theodora, the Wicked Witch of the West (Mila Kunis), Evanora, the Wicked Witch of the East (Rachel Weiz), and Glinda, the Good Witch (Michelle Williams). He claims to be an amazing wizard, and everyone buys it, except for the witches. He is then held up by the citizens as a warrior and wizard, and must deal with epic problems in this magical word, finding out who are his friends and foes. Using his magic to solve these problems, he becomes a better person, a hero, and the Wizard of Oz. Looks fantastic. Wait, aren't bad witches ugly? Why are all three witches beautiful?
21 and Over: An upcoming comedy by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore, starring unknowns.
Carrie: A remake of Brian DePalma's brilliant 1976 horror film, and the third adaptation of Stephen King's first (and one of his best) book. Why???
Now You See Me: An action-thriller from Louis Letterier (Transporter, The Incredible Hulk, Clash of the Titans), starring Jesse Eisenberg, Isla Fisher, Morgan Freema, Michael Caine, Mark Ruffalo, Elias Koteas, Woody Harrelson, and Dave Franco. That sounds pretty bad-ass.
The Croods: A family adventure-comedy from from former "Monty Python" member John Cleese (who wrote the screenplay), starring Ryan Reynolds (why is he in like every movie now?), Nicolas Cage, Emma Stone, Catherine Keener, and Calrk Duke. Don't know how to feel about it.
Jack the Giant Killer: A remake of the classic 60's fantasy films, made by X-Men and Usual Suspects director Bryan Singer (who also produced House, MD), starring Nicholas Hoult, Stanley Tucci (Captain America), Ewan McGregor (Star Wars I-III, Angels and Demons), Eleanor Tomlinson, Bill Nighy, and Ian McShane (both of whom where villains in Pirates of the Caribbean). Maybe it will be good. Maybe.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (first scheduled for June 2012): A sequel to the god-awful 2009 film. It barely follows that film, getting rid of the main heroes (Scarlett, Rip Cord, Breaker, Cover Girl, General Hawk), and replacing them with other "Joes", like Roadblock (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson), General Coulton (Bruce Willis, why??) Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), and Flint (DJ Cotrona). The only remaining heroes cast from the original are Ray Park as Snake Eyes and Channing Tatum as Duke. The main villains from the original are removed (Destro and Baroness), and are replaced by Storm Shadow (weird, didn't Snake Eyes kill him in the last movie?), Firefly (Ray Stevenson), and (actually returning) is Zartan (played by Arnold Vosloo). Cobra Commander is also the main villain. Barely connected to the original, is that for the better? But, how do you do a GI Joe film without Destro, Scarlett, and Baroness? WTF?!!!! (But it is written by the guys who wrote Zombieland)
The Host: An American remake of a Asian horror film? That always goes over well, right? Sometimes. But mostly they turn into shitty movies. (See: Shutter, The Grudge 2, The Ring 2)
(Editorial note: January 8, 2013, "The Host" is actually a "Twilight"-like teen supernatural film based on a novel.)
Continues in Part 2!!!
2013:
January:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D (originally scheduled for October 2012): I will definitely see this movie. It'll probably be bad, and, as always, will ignore all previous films except for the 1974 original, it is taking place between the first and second films, explaining some of the differences. The Leatherface design looks pretty bad-ass.
Gangster Squad (originally set for September 2012): Looks pretty good. Lots of good, 40's style action scenes, with an all-star cast. Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Giovanni Ribisi, Nick Nolte, Sean Penn, Josh Pence, Josh Brolin, Robert Patrick, and Michael Pena.
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters: Jeremy Renner, Peter Stormare, Famke Janssen, etc. WTF??
Broken City: An upcoming crime-drama with Mark Wahlberg, Russell Crowe, and and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Not much info, but sounds good.
The Last Stand: An upcoming action-thriller about a sheriff fending his border town from invaing Mexican cartels. Arnold Schwarzenegger's first leading role since Terminator 3, which will also feature Forest Whitaker, Peter Stormare, and Johnny Knoxville. Directed by an Asian action director. Really?
Movie 43: An epic comedy films comprised of 23 short segments, with several all-star directors, including Peter Farrelly (of the Farrelly bros.), Elizabeth Banks, Brett Ratner, James Gunn, and Bob Odenkirk.
February:
Bullet to the Head: An action film starring Sylvester Stallone, Christian Slater, and a bunch of Asian actors I've unfamiliar with that are probably famous in other countries. Really?
47 Ronin: An action epic based on a Japanese legend, starring Keanu Reeves, and more Asian actors I've never heard of.
Warm Bodies: An upcoming horror film starring Teresa Palmer, Nicholas Hoult, and John Malkovich.
Side Effects (originally "The Bitter Pill"): Rooney Mara, Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Jude Law star in Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Erin Brokovich, Magic Mike, Contagion, Haywire)'s new psychological thriller.
Beautiful Creatures: Viola Davis, Emma Thompson, Emmy Rossum, and Jeremy Irons star in this fantasy-drama based on the bestselling teen novel by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl.
A Good Day to Die Hard: Really? After the mediocre film Live Free or Die Hard, why have another addition to this dead franchise? Also, it's directed by Irish filmmaker John Moore, director of such films as Behind Enemy Lines, The Omen remake, and, uggh, Max Payne.
Escape from Planet Earth: A family comedy-sci fi film starring Brendan Fraser (I thought his career was dead), Jessica Alba, James Gandolfini, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jane Lynch, and Paul Reubens. I have lost hope for us.
I, Frankenstein: An upcoming horror film starring Aaron Eckhardt (Thank You For Smoking, The Dark Knight), Bill Nighy, and Aden Young. It's directed by Australian Stuart Beattie, who wrote Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, 30 Days of Night, and Collateral, unfortunately he also wrote The Messengers, Punisher: War Zone, Australia (how self-indulging of your country) and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Hopefully, he goes back to the style of his earlier works. Hopefully.
The Marriage Counselor: A Tyler Perry film with Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Williams. This is bad. Very bad.
March:
Elysium: Neill Blomkamp (director of District 9) sci-fi film starring Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, William Fichtner, and more. Seems cool.
Stoker: A new thriller film starring a few B-list actors. I don't know how to feel about it.
Oz, The Great and Powerful: A Sam Raimi/Disney production, detailing the origins of Oz. Oscar Diggs, played by James Franco, is a con artist/magician, who is whisked away to the land of Oz, where he meets three witches: Theodora, the Wicked Witch of the West (Mila Kunis), Evanora, the Wicked Witch of the East (Rachel Weiz), and Glinda, the Good Witch (Michelle Williams). He claims to be an amazing wizard, and everyone buys it, except for the witches. He is then held up by the citizens as a warrior and wizard, and must deal with epic problems in this magical word, finding out who are his friends and foes. Using his magic to solve these problems, he becomes a better person, a hero, and the Wizard of Oz. Looks fantastic. Wait, aren't bad witches ugly? Why are all three witches beautiful?
21 and Over: An upcoming comedy by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore, starring unknowns.
Carrie: A remake of Brian DePalma's brilliant 1976 horror film, and the third adaptation of Stephen King's first (and one of his best) book. Why???
Now You See Me: An action-thriller from Louis Letterier (Transporter, The Incredible Hulk, Clash of the Titans), starring Jesse Eisenberg, Isla Fisher, Morgan Freema, Michael Caine, Mark Ruffalo, Elias Koteas, Woody Harrelson, and Dave Franco. That sounds pretty bad-ass.
The Croods: A family adventure-comedy from from former "Monty Python" member John Cleese (who wrote the screenplay), starring Ryan Reynolds (why is he in like every movie now?), Nicolas Cage, Emma Stone, Catherine Keener, and Calrk Duke. Don't know how to feel about it.
Jack the Giant Killer: A remake of the classic 60's fantasy films, made by X-Men and Usual Suspects director Bryan Singer (who also produced House, MD), starring Nicholas Hoult, Stanley Tucci (Captain America), Ewan McGregor (Star Wars I-III, Angels and Demons), Eleanor Tomlinson, Bill Nighy, and Ian McShane (both of whom where villains in Pirates of the Caribbean). Maybe it will be good. Maybe.
G.I. Joe: Retaliation (first scheduled for June 2012): A sequel to the god-awful 2009 film. It barely follows that film, getting rid of the main heroes (Scarlett, Rip Cord, Breaker, Cover Girl, General Hawk), and replacing them with other "Joes", like Roadblock (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson), General Coulton (Bruce Willis, why??) Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), and Flint (DJ Cotrona). The only remaining heroes cast from the original are Ray Park as Snake Eyes and Channing Tatum as Duke. The main villains from the original are removed (Destro and Baroness), and are replaced by Storm Shadow (weird, didn't Snake Eyes kill him in the last movie?), Firefly (Ray Stevenson), and (actually returning) is Zartan (played by Arnold Vosloo). Cobra Commander is also the main villain. Barely connected to the original, is that for the better? But, how do you do a GI Joe film without Destro, Scarlett, and Baroness? WTF?!!!! (But it is written by the guys who wrote Zombieland)
The Host: An American remake of a Asian horror film? That always goes over well, right? Sometimes. But mostly they turn into shitty movies. (See: Shutter, The Grudge 2, The Ring 2)
(Editorial note: January 8, 2013, "The Host" is actually a "Twilight"-like teen supernatural film based on a novel.)
Continues in Part 2!!!