GI Joe, The Rise of Cobra:
Soldiers Duke and Ripcord are attacked by terrorist organization Cobra, and then are recruited by GI Joe, a special missions force determined to stop Cobra and all terrorist groups. Cobra uses it's ties to Laird James McCullen (Destro), a weapons developer who has developed tiny robotic termites known as "nanomites", and is assisting Cobra in taking over the world. The film stars Channing Tatum (yes, before he got big), Marlon Wayans (yes, after he was big), Ray Park (a stuntman known for many villainous roles in movies), Rachel Nichols (the hot green chick from 2009's Star Trek), Christopher Eccelston (The 9th Doctor), Dennis Quaid (who is wasted), and Joseph-Gordon Levitt (yes, before he was big). Now, there are many plot-holes, inconsistencies, and unrealistic special effects. But before we get to that, let's quickly touch upon the cast. Channing Tatum had recently starred in an anti-war film (Stop-Loss), and thought the film glorified war, almost turning it down (he should have), before realizing it was a sci-fi action film. The Joes where stupid robo-suits they never, ever wore in the cartoon or the comics. The only films Joseph-Gordon Levitt was only in two hit films at the time, and was still relatively unknown. (Both the films were indie movies.) Marlon Wayans casting was based entirely on his surprisingly great performance in the drug drama Requiem for a Dream, which, back in 2009 (the year the film was released), was nearly a decade ago. Although Rachel Nichols and Sienna Miller (The Baroness) are good actors, they are used as eye-candy. Although they are very attractive, I feel they could have done more. Hell, Dennis Quaid and model Karolina Kurkova do absolutely nothing. Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) directs this film and brings his usual over-the-top CGI action scenes. I actually liked The Mummy, and felt the CG was well-used there, but I hated Van Helsing. This was Sommers' last chance at a blockbuster movie, and unfortunately, he blew it again. The action scenes are so unrealistic and silly, it comes off as self-parody, like something out of Team America. The Joes, "real American heroes", are now an international organization, with the character Breaker being turned into a French guy for the film. Sommers also has actors from his previous films, such as Brendan Fraser and Kevin J. O'Connor , make cameos. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is an over-the-top, stupid, incoherent mess. It's not as bad as the Transformers sequels, but it's pretty awful. Bad CGI, stupid action scenes, bad direction, terrible writing, worse acting. (No insult to the actors, Daniel Day-Lewis couldn't make these lines sound good!) 2/5 stars.
GI Joe, Retaliation:
Finally, after 3 years, and then a 6-month production delay, the newest GI Joe film hits theaters. In this movie, the Joes are brutally attacked by the US Government, now under the control of Cobra. With only Roadblock, Lady Jaye, and Flint surviving, they team up with a retired general to take down Cobra, and the corrupted President. Funny enough, this film was delayed for months, just to shoot a couple extra scenes with Channing Tatum after he became popular during the summer of 2012, even though (SPOILERS!!!) he dies about 20 minutes into the film. I did think that Dwayne Johnson and he had good chemistry while on screen. Johnson is a charismatic bad-ass, and he was definitely a big part of why the movie was better than the first. Several characters aren't even mentioned: Scarlett, Rip Cord, Breaker, Baroness, it's like they just disappeared. Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes come back for their own little side-story. DJ Cotrona is a forgettable as Flint. Adrianne Palicki plays Lady Jaye, who is just there to be hot, which she does very well. Channing Tatum does a good job as Duke for the short time he appears on screen. Ray Park and Byung-hun Lee return as the rival ninjas Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow in this film. Ray Stevenson (HBO's Rome, Thor, The Other Guys, The Book of Eli, Kill the Irishman, Punisher: War Zone, The Vampire's Assistant, Three Musketeers) plays Firefly, a pyromaniac terrorist who serves as the secondary villain. Rapper and filmmaker RZA makes a cameo as a blind ninja master. Jonathan Pryce plays dual roles as the President and Zartan disguised as the President. Arnold Vosloo briefly appears as Zartan in his normal form. Elodie Young plays Jinx, a ninja who helps Snake Eyes. Bruce Willis has a minor role as General Joe Colton. (The reason the tem is called "GI Joe") Walton Goggins plays the immature warden of a high-security terrorist prison. Luke Bracey (Home and Away, Monte Carlo) plays Cobra Commander, who is voiced by Robert Baker. He's a replacement for Gordon-Levitt after that actor became big in 2011 and 2012. Something that I found odd is that Cobra Commander's right-hand man Destro was just shoved aside as soon as Commander was freed from his cryo-prison cell. By the way, Cobra Commander doesn't do jack shit in this movie, either. Just like the first film, a little disappointing. G.I. Joe: Retaliation is not a perfect film, it's very flawed in fact. But it's a masterpiece compared to the first film, and on it's own, is a decent, generic action movie. Check it out if you have kids, or if you are a fan of GI Joe, if not, just wait for the Blu-ray. 3/5 stars.
(Images: Wikipedia)
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