Men in Black Movies II

Before we start, the reason I haven't made a post in a while is because I haven't seen any new movies lately. But I just got back from...

Men in Black 3:
Wow, this was great. Okay, not as good as the first film or The Avengers, but this is far better than films like MIB II or Battleship. The plot follows the escape of the evil "Boris the Animal" from a prison on the moon, and his efforts to get revenge of his nemesis, Agent Kay. Agent Jay must go back in time after Boris alters history by time-traveling, and killing Agent Kay in the past. Jay must team up with the young Agent Kay to prevent Boris from killing him. The cast if full of good characters, with Will Smith doing a great job, and Tommy Lee Jones being just as stoic as ever. Josh Brolin does a good job as the stern, young Kay, and Jemaine Clement is surprisingly threatening as monstrous alien Boris. (Not as threatening as the Edgar bug in the first film, but way better than the villain from the second.) Jemaine is unrecognizable under the heavy makeup. Michael Stuhlberg and Emma Thompson are good in supporting roles as a telepathic alien and Agent O, Kay's love interest. Bill Hader of Saturday Night Live and Superbad, makes a funny cameo as Andy Warhol, who is really an undercover MIB agent. The special effects are fantastic, with original alien designs, and good CGI. And finally, they credit the comics for being published by Malibu, not Marvel. With good writing, effects, and satisfactory acting, Men in Black 3 is a must-see film this summer, and there is a weird sort-of twist ending.

Hopefully, next time I'll be reviewing Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter or Prometheus.

Men in Black Movies

In celebration of this summer's new blockbuster Men in Black 3, let's look at the very successful action-sci-fi-comedy franchise. For those of you who have been braindead for the past 15 years, he series stars former rapper-turned actor Will Smith, and Academy-Award-winning Tommy Lee Jones. This series coincides with Superhero Summer because, little known to many people, Men in Black was actually a comic book. Starting out as an independent comic book, created by Lowell Cunningham, and published by Aircel Comcis, which was bought out by Malibu comics, which was then ought out by Marvel (which explains why the opening credits list it as a Marvel comic book, and why it's not connected with any other Marvel films). The comic book was a lot darker than the movies, much like the Ninja Turtles comic was to the cartoon, as the agents kill witnesses instead of wiping their memory, and the main antagonist, Ecks, was a rogue MIB agent who left after discovering that the agency wants to dictate the entire world. There were several changes made for the film, like how Agent Jay is white in the comics, and is black in the movies, and the MIB don't kill people or dictate the world.
Men in Black:
Following the success of dumb-fun blockbuster Independence Day, Will Smith had a string of good and bad blockbuster movies. This was one of them, and proved a massive success, proving more iconic and successful than the actual comic book, so much so, people forget that the comic even existed, and its pointless to even mention the comics, as the film really only relates to the comics in that it follows the MIB and has the same character names. It even got a spin-off animated show, which was mediocre at best. The plot follows New York detective Jay, who witnesses an alien event, and is recruited by Agent K to join the Men in Black, a secret organization that protects Earth from alien threats, and helps friendly aliens blend into the environment, as humans aren't ready to meet extraterrestrials. K shows him the ropes, all while trying to stop an evil and disgusting alien from destroying Earth, one who proves to be both a nasty and terrifying villain. The cast is top-notch. The charm and coolness of Will Smith is unmatched, and he is perfect as an MIB rookie, and his comedic antics are hilarious, especially in training sequences. Tommy Lee Jones is a great mentor, appearing tough and stern, but revealing a more loving side to J. Linda Fiorentino is great as Dr. Lauren Weaver, who is charmed by Smith, and confused and terrified by the alien events. Vincent D'Onofrio is horrifying as Edgar, a farmer who is skinned, and then worn as a disguise by an alien cockroach. The creature effects on Edgar are great, and the alien bug is disgusting, and brutal, killing tons of aliens and people to reach his evil goals. He is one of the scariest sci-fi baddie sever, and is one of the few threatening villain in a comedy movies. Rip Torn as Zed is good, but not super-memorable. The alien effects are amazing, and hold up today, all the alien races and species are imaginative and original. The action scenes are few, but awesome, especially the ending with the giant super-guns and the final form of the Edgar bug. This movie is a fun blockbuster, that doesn't take itself to seriously. Check it out! 4/5 stars.

Men in Black II:
Now, I saw this film before I saw the first one, and I liked this one better as a kid. But, really, it doesn't live up to the hype. The plot follows J as an experienced agent of the MIB, upset that K is retired, and annoyed by his new partners. K must be brought back into action when an old threat attacks New York. Will Smith is as cool as ever. Tommy Lee Jones is always great as K, my problem is in the supporting cast. Really, a Victoria's Secret model as the villain, who is not threatening in the least. Johnny Knoxville, who barely is in the movie? A bland love interest, Tony Shaloub in a pointless cameo, this is just stupid. The villains don't live up to the horrifying Edgar bug at all. The action is not as good as the first film, and even these scenes have needless product placement. The effects are as great, with even more interesting aliens. The ending shock is a total rip-off of the first one. This one doesn't even have a cool music video like the first one did. Even Wild Wild West, another shitty Will Smith blockbuster, had an awesome music video and song to go with it. This is nowhere near as funny, witty, awesome, fun, or entertaining as the first film. 2/5 stars.

Well, hopefully this new MIB film lives up to the hype, after all, they've spent years on this thing, and they got the original actors back, so this must be god. Right?...

Blade movies part II: Blade II, and Blade:Trinity

Now it's time for part 2, no Dark Shadows review, never got the chance to see it, heard it was horrible. Anyway:

Blade II:
This is like Spiderman 2 and The Dark Knight, one of the few sequels that tops the original. The plot thickens as Blade rescues Whistler from a gang of vampires, with the help of his new sidekick, Scud (Norman Reedus of The Boondock Saints and The Walking Dead). Blade must now team up with a group of renegade vampires (who despise him) to stop a new threat, a new breed of evolved vampires who feed on humans and the creatures of the night. Not just this, but Blade's new female comrade is a vampire who actually respects him, and has an aging vampiric father, who may have devious plans for the vampire hunter. The acting is even better than the first. The first film was great, but had some over-the-top bad guys. The villains here are terrifying, and even Blade's new allies prove potential threats. It seems like, in the tone of The Dark Knight and The Empire Strikes Back, the heroes are singled out, no-one trusts them, and they are at their lowest point, and the villains are even more threatening than before. Wesley Snipes is always bad-ass as the vampire hunter of the title. Kris Kristofferson is always cool as Whistler. Norman Reedus is a cool stoner-type inventor, who Whistler is annoyed with. Ron Perlman as Reinhardt is threatening, as he is a physical match for Blade, and despises the hunter. Perlman would later play in another Guillermo del Toro comic book movie: Hellboy. Luke Goss (often type-cast as villains) is great as Jared Nomak, the leader of the new vampire breed, and the man who passes on the vampire virus from victim-to-victim. Leonor Varela as Nyssa Damaskinos is great, as a talented vampire princess who learns to respect Blade. Thomas Kretschmann as Eli, Nyssa's father, resembles Count Orlk from Nosferatu, an ancient vampire who has questionable motives about helping Blade stop Nomak. Stephen Norrington (director of the first film) is a good director, with movies ranging from good (Death Machine) to horrid (The League of Extraordinary Gentleman), but Guillermo del Toro (director of this film) has a near perfect track record. From Cronos and The Devil's Backbone to Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth, and The Orphanage, del Toro is the master of blending suspense, horror, and fantasy, with Lovecraftian mythology, characters, monsters, and sets. He brings a breath of fresh air to Blade. This was his first comic book film before he took on the Hellboy franchise. Perfect directing choice. He previewed the awesomeness that was to come of those films. The special effects are fantastic, improving on the near-flawless effects of the first film. The CG is used sparingly, only when needed, the rest is prosthetics, stunts, and animatronics. If you liked Blade, but wanted more, see Blade II, it is an amazing feat in action movies, horror movies, comic book movies, and movies in general. 5/5.

Blade: Trinity:
This is the Spiderman 3 and Batman Forever to this franchise, but at least those films were dumb fun, this movie is just shitty garbage. It is actually directed by David S. Goyer, writer of the first two Blade films, and of Chris Nolan's Batman films. He is a great writer, so was he just brain-dead while writing this script? The plot is simple and stupid: Blade is discovered by the world, thought of as an insane vigilante killing innocent civilians (press and cops controlled by vampires). He is captured and Whistler killed right off the bat. He is then rescued by a new, young, hip team of vampire hunters, led by Hannibal King and Abigail Whistler (Whistler's daughter, born out of wedlock). Blade doesn't like them, and must hunt down his new, hipster-vampire enemies, and their new ally, the original Dracula. The acting is very mediocre. Wesley Snipes looks bored and has nothing to do, but is still bad-ass in the opening scene. Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King is annoying, always cracking stupid jokes, and just having nothing to do. Hannibal King of the comics was a PI and vampire hunter, a bad-ass, I think of someone like Bruce Campbell, Kurt Russell, Patrick Swayze (he was alive in 2004), Sean Patrick Flannery, Christian Bale, or Aaron Eckhart as a PI or bad-ass vampire hunter. Jessica Biel is hot, but she fails in this role. She has nothing to do, and is just eye-candy for the audience. Dominic Purcell as Drake (Dracula) is a pretty-boy moron, he's not threatening (unless in ancient demon form) and nowhere near as cool as Deacon Frost or as threatening as Jared Nomak. Parker Posey is a great actress, so it's sad to see her in an annoying, and bitchy role (Danica Talos). Callum Keith Rennie as Asher Talos, who is a bland henchmen, and looks like Daniel Craig. Triple H is entertaining as the bumbling muscle of the villains, Grimwood. The villains are just comic relief, with little vampire puppies. The comedy is added by the language in the film. I'm not a moral crusader, but there is way too much swearing in this movie. I'm paraphrasing here, but basically, in the words of Mathew Buck of Internet series "Projector": "Swearing is a garnish, it's used sparingly for maximum effect in a statement, it's not effective if over-used." I can't agree more, not only is it not effective, it can come off as comedic. Kris Kristofferson is used so little it's insulting. The special effects are below-par, cheap, and there are no interesting vampire designs (unlike the second film), they're just people with fangs. The action is bland and boring, and the run-time is a bit shorter than the other two films, but feels way shorter. The plot feels too fast-paced, and boring, where the other two were well-paced and felt like the perfect length, and the plots were interesting. Skip this piece of shit. 2/5.

Here's a mini-review of Blade:The Series: Good action, some mediocre acting, Kirk "Sticky Fingaz" Jones is good, but nowhere near as cool as Wesley Snipes, good effects, canceled because Spike TV, being new at the time, couldn't afford the cost of the special effects and large action set-pieces. 3/5 stars.

Blade movies part I: Brief history of Blade and the first movie

Starting off the summer of comic book films and blockbusters, in celebration of Tim Burton's new horror-comedy Dark Shadows, based on the 1960's television series, let's have an overview with the trilogy based off one of the best non A-lister comics ever, with one of the best and coolest superheroes out there, who's inspired by blaxploitation heroes and Gothic monsters: Blade, The Vampire Slayer.

Blade was introduced in Tomb of Dracula # 10 in 1973, as a supporting character, who was hunting Dracula and his minions, created by Marv Wolfman. (Marv is the creator of The New Teen Titans, Deathstroke, Black Cat, and Daredevil villain Bullseye.) Blade (Eric Brooks) was born from blood. His mother was bitten by a vampire, and as she died, the doctors saved Blade in a C-section operation, making him half-vampire. He now has the super-strength, super speed, and bloodlust of a vampire, but isn't allergic to sunlight, silver, or garlic. Blade later became a  terrible creature, feeding off innocent people and the homeless. He was stopped by Abraham Whistler (or Jamal Afari, as in the comics), a vampire hunter, who taught him to control his thirst, and use his powers for good, to kill evil vampires and other demonic creatures. He has gone on to get his own comic book series, and getting a great supporting cast, including the evil vampire Deacon Frost, and fellow vampire hunter Hannibal King, and appearing in various media, including the 1994 Spider-man animated series. Fast-forward to the 80's, the Superman film franchise was declining, and suddenly, Tim Burton's Batman gave hope for comic book films, as did Freddy Krueger creator Wes Craven's adaptation of Swamp Thing. But when Burton's artistic vision got too dark for most people in the sequel, he was replaced by Joel Schumacher, who I think is a great director, but he turned comic book films into flashy light shows. A few films tried to make comic book movies great (or at least okay) again, like The Crow, The Mask, Timecop, and The Rocketeer, but they (despite those films almost all being critical/commercial successes) couldn't stop the horrible string of shitty movies. Movies like Tank Girl, Spawn, Steel, and Batman and Robin  were based off of great comics with good art, and turned them to terrible trash. Other were based off of pulp magazines and were just bland, like The Phantom and The Shadow. Marvel Movies had been terrible so far, since their characters were more larger-than-life than DC Comics, especially in appearance, the only things they had going for them were some good animated shows and an old Hulk TV series, which was cheesy, but had nostalgic value. They had no success with the heinous Howard the Duck film, and Roger Corman's Fantastic Four, which was so bad it's only on expensive bootleg DVDs sold on the internet and at Comic-Con. The TV film Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD was terrible and cheesy. Toy mogul Avi Arad joined on as a producer for Marvel, and decided to go a different route, by starting out their film franchise with a lesser known hero.

Blade:
Okay, an odd choice to kick-start a big movie company: African-American superheroes are usually less popular than most other heroes (not being racist, it's just what usually happens, unfortunately) and lots of gore and an R-rating would limit your audience, especially adolescents and young kids, the target audience for Marvel. But, because of the great acting and action, Blade was a huge success and started the comic book movie boom, and was responsible for causing classic comic book films such as X-Men, and Spider-man. The plot follows Dr. Karen Jenson, who is bitten by a vampire, and is cured by Blade, who is working with Abraham Whistler on stopping the vampire council, and the huge crime empire set up by psychotic, rebel vampire Deacon Frost, and his evil friends. Blade discovers that Frost intends Frost intends to resurrect the ancient vampiric Aztec blood god La Magra, but can Blade stop him in time? Wesley Snipes, who previously starred in comedy Major League, "dramady" White Men Can't Jump, and action films Drop Zone and US Marhsalls (sequel to The Fugitive), gets to show off his martial arts moves. He has amazing skill, and gets to kill numerous vampires with his acid-laced katana sword, silver-bullet filled guns, and garlic spray in amazing fight scenes. He has no emotion most of the time, to invoke fear in his enemies, but shows emotion at some points in the film. He hates "familiars", human servants to vampires, and shows no mercy to them, as they assist in the destruction of humans. N'Bushe Wright is good as Karen Jenson. She's new to the "real" world, the world of vampires and demons. She is basically the audience (the "straight man" role), we (and Karen) don't know the vampire world, so Blade can explain the situation to her and us. Kris Kristofferson plays the old mentor role as Whistler. He invents vampire killing weapons and taught Blade how to hunt the vampires. He is an old soul, and you can tell he's seen a lot in the world. The character interaction is great between Blade and Whistler. They seem to go beyond the teacher-student relationship, and become a father-son team, as Blade never had parents, and Whistler's family was killed by vampires, so they fit each other's needs. Stephen Dorff plays Deacon Frost. Dorff makes you really hate him. He first appears as a rebel, but later shows he's a psychopath, killing those he dislikes or those who fail him. He is selfish, sacrificing dozens to fulfill his needs. Other characters include Donal Logue as Frost's best henchman, Quinn, a vampire who can't seem to die, no matter what Blade does, who is very cocky. Udo Kier (who once played Dracula) is Gitano Dragonetti, a vampire council member and elder, who hates Frost for being disobedient. Finally, Arly Jover plays Mercury, Frost's girlfriend, who is also bat-shit crazy. The special effects are a bit dated, but the action is amazing and the fights are well choreographed. The opening scene in the night club is spectacular, as is the climactic end fight with Frost and his minions. It's a bit dated, but Blade's action and acting is fantastic, and it started the comic movie boom, so it deserves a spot in the top 20 comic book movies ever made. I give it 3.5/5.
Stan Lee had a cameo that was cut from the final film. It was because the character was Marvel, but was not created by Stan Lee (credit for creation goes to Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan). In fact, Stan only has cameos in the films based on his characters.

Next time, I'll be reviewing Blade II, Blade: Trinity and possibly Dark Shadows and Blade The Series.

The Avengers Movies Part II

Here it is, the next three films in the Marvel Cinematic Saga. The God of Thunder, The Old-Fashioned Action Hero, and the Avengers finally assembled.

Thor:

Now this one was my second-to-least favorite of the franchise. Kenneth Branagh was an odd choice to direct an action movie, but he does a good job delivering the material to the silver screen, not as well as Ang Lee and Jon Favreu, but he does a satisfactory job. The plot is simple: Thor, played fantastically by Chris Hemsworth, is a brave, but cocky and hot-headed young demigod, the protector of Earth, and god of thunder. He is the brother of the god of mischief, Loki, played with glee by Tom Hiddleston, whom has always been jealous of Thor's popularity, being the elder son, and being the "favorite" of their father, Odin (played by Anthony Hopkins). Odin protests this theory, and proves it by banishing Thor to Earth and stripping him of his power, after re-engaging a war between Asgard (the good kingdom) and Jotunheim (the evil kingdom), home of the malevolent and eerie Ice Giants. Thor meets hot scientist Jane Foster (changed from a nurse to astrophysicist), played by Natalie Portman, and her co-workers, who must now help Thor back home, regain his power, learn to trust and help humans, and stop Loki from becoming king and destroying Jotunheim, which has hundreds of innocent civilians. The acting is satisfactory. Chris Hemsworth is new to the movie business, but not to blockbusters, as he made a cameo in Star Trek, and now stars in The Cabin in the Woods, Red Dawn, The Avengers, Snow White & The Huntsman, and Thor 2. Here is where he really shines, being able to capture Thor's ignorance, as well as his good-hearted nature, and has some bad-ass moments when he fights the Destroyer and the Ice Giants' pet monster. Natalie Portman is Jane Foster, she does okay, not the role for her, they obviously chose her because she's pretty eye candy. Her comrades are okay. One is a scientist played by Stellan Skarsgard, who does a good job. The other is Kat Dennings as Darcy Lewis, an annoying-as-hell character, who you want to see burnt down by the Destroyer, or crushed by Thor's hammer Mjolnir. Tom Hiddleston (War Horse) plays the tormented Loki. He is more sympathetic than in the comic series, as he is revealed to be a former Ice Giant, taken in by Odin after the defeat of the evil Ice Giants. This adds to his hate of Thor, and distrust of his father, and causes him to go insane with power once Odin falls into a coma (Odinsleep). Idris Elba does a good job as Heimdall, warrior and defender of the Bifrost, a means of teleportation from Asgard to other worlds. Colm Feore is menacing as Laufey, the Ice Giant king, who wants revenge on Odin because of his defeat centuries before, and secret father of Loki. Jaimie Alexander does a satisfactory job as Thor's friend and fellow warrior Sif, as do Tadanobu Asano, Joshua Dallas, and Ray Stevenson as the Warriors Three. Nick Fury and Agent Coulson return for cameos. Jeremy Renner makes a brief cameo as Hawkeye (referred to as Agent Barton). The Destroyer is a well-done CGI effect, who looks like he walked out of the Thor comics, as do Thor and Loki's costumes, and several other creatures and characters. That leads us to the special effects, which range from great to standard. The action in the film is well-done, but the film feels more like a comedic fish-out-of-water story than an action/comic book movie. Some jokes work, a lot don't. The film has uneven pacing, and the final action scene on Earth is a total let-down. You want to see The Destroyer, well, destroying some large city. No, it's some no-name trailer park town in Arizona, where Destroyer just fights Thor and blows up some cars and a gas station, that's it. And Hawkeye not getting to fire a single arrow or projectile is stupid, show his skills so people get excited to see more in The Avengers. And Thor doesn't even wear his battle helmet very long, barely, (and never once is it shown in The Avengers). But, with all the action, special effects, and good characters, Thor is worth a rental. 3/5 stars.

Notes: Stan Lee and comics writer J. Michael Straczynski  make cameos as redneck truck drivers. When The Destroyer arrives on Earth, Coulson makes a passing mention of Tony Stark (Iron Man), because a fellow agent mistakes Destroyer for a Stark Industries machine. The post-credits scene features Nick Fury showing Stellan Skarsgard's scientist in the depths of the SHIELD base, being invited to work on the Avengers Initiative with Fury's science division, investigating a strange cosmic cube, the "Tesseract". Loki suddenly appears to the scientist (as he does to Thor in one scene) and persuades the scientist to accept the job.

Captain America, The First Avenger:

This is my least favorite of the Avengers franchise, I can't explain why, it just wasn't as good as Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk or Iron Man 2. Joe Johnston was a good choice to direct. He was a production designer and artist for Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost Ark, and directed films like The Rocketeer (a comic book film set in the same time periodas this movie), The Wolfman, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and Jumanji. This film's plot follows young, tiny-bodied geek Steve Rogers, played by Chris Evans, and his big-built best buddy Bucky Barns, played by Sebastian Stan (changed from sidekick to a Captain America equal), enlisting in the Army during WWII. Steve always gets beat up, and is rejected, but German scientist Abraham Erskine, played by Stanley Tucci (originally Dr. Reinstein in early comics) enlists him in a new super-soldier program for the military. Helped by Iron Man's father Howard Stark, an up-and-coming lab assistant (later a millionaire weapons producer), Erskine turns Rogers int the ideal soldier, Captain America. Erskine is killed by German spy Heinz Kruger, working for the menacing and creepy Johann Schmidt, played by an eerie Hugo Weaving, whom is harnessing the energy of the Tesseract (found in a Norse cave dedicated to Odin) to make super-weapons. Rogers eventually becomes a laughing stock as a showbiz performer, and promotional speaker for the army. Rogers later goes in to save Bucky from a Nazi group called Hydra (a terrorist organization), and encounters Schmidt (revealed to be a scarred figure known as "Red Skull"), and destroys their air base, gaining him fame and respect, becoming a leader in many strikes. Bucky is later killed on a dangerous mission (making his rescue pointless), and Captain America leads his squad to take down Red Skull, and stop him from destroying the world. Evans has a good role as the ordinary guy turned super soldier, and goes from sympathetic bully victim to bad-ass action hero. Hayley Atwell is good as the tough love interest Peggy Carter, a British officer. The suave, cool Howard Stark (played by Dominic Cooper) is just like his future son, and the Howling Commandos, including Dum Dum Doogan (played by Neal McDonough, a SHIELD agent in comics) are great. Stanley Tucci is satisfactory as the German scientist Erskine who is tragically killed, after bonding with Rogers, causing Rogers to feel distraught. Toby Jones is good as Red Skull's right-hand-man Arnim Zola, who realizes Red Skull is insane far too late. Tommy Lee Jones is great in as minor role as WWII general who trains the new recruits in the army. Hugo Weaving is menacing and creepy as Red Skull. This brings us to the make-up and special effects section. Although Red Skull's swastikas on his jacket are replaced with Hydra symbols in order to be able to sell an action figure, the makeup is amazing, and looks just like an illustration of the psychotic Nazi. Captain America's suit is made to look just like the comics, but more grimy and old-looking, like something from the 1940's. The special effects are great, with some scenes designed to look like a 1940's film (like a flashback to the time when Red Skull became Red Skull). The action is well done, and seems like a more traditional action film, but with some sci-fi technology thrown in. Captain America: First Avenger, despite it's sometimes mediocre acting, is worth checking out. 3/5 stars. (Editorial note, March 26, 2013: I have thought after some consideration and a few re-watchings that this film is in fact quite good, and that it is my fourth favorite out of the series, right above Incredible Hulk and Thor, right behind Iron Man 2, Iron Man, and The Avengers.)

Notes: Stan Lee makes a cameo as a general. Nick Fury appears at the end of the film to introduce Rogers to the new world, and to the Avengers.

The Avengers:

After the last two films, I was really surprised. I'm glad I saw this at the premiere show. This is like The Dark Knight, maybe better. Joss Whedon was the perfect directing choice, being a geeky fanboy, he knows what comic and movie fans want to see, and he delivers, and piles on even more than that! The plot is this: Loki as come back from the depths of space after his disappearance in Thor, and now has a powerful staff from the Chatari (Skrulls from Fantastic Four comics) army, who have sent him to retrieve the Tesseract (the new element form Iron Man 2, the cosmic cube from Thor, and Red Skull's energy cube in Captain America) and start intergalactic war. Nick Fury must reassemble the proposed team from the scrapped Avengers project. He also deals with the fact that the scientist from Thor and Hawkeye have been hypnotized by Loki to do his bidding. The Black Widow, played by Scarlett Johansson, must retrieve Bruce Banner (The Hulk), played exquisitely by Mark Ruffalo, from India, Phil Coulson is sent to retrieve egotist Tony Stark (Iron Man) from the new Stark Tower, and Nick Fury himself confronts the frustrated and distraught Steve Rogers (Captain America), who has just been reawakened from a cryogenic sleep, to join the team. Loki soon attracts the attention of Chris Hemsworth's Thor, and with this many troubled characters and egotists together, can the group become a real team and stop the alien invasion, or will they tear each other apart? The film is driven by loads of action and drama. There are only two massive action scenes in the film, and two or three smaller ones in between. The film builds with tension and drama, and then finally has the payoff of going into a all-out action mode at the end. The 35-minute battles in Transformers are redundant, stupid, incoherent, and unoriginal with dumb and unlikeable characters. This is the opposite: original, intriguing, believable effects, lovable characters, coherent, and it feels fresh and new. Robert Downey Jr. is as funny as ever, Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans are just as cool and bad-ass, with more drama as Steve is in a whole new world (no Disney pun intended) and Thor has lost his brother to evil and madness. Black Widow and Hawkeye are revealed to be close and old friends, maybe even possible love interests. Props to Johnasson and Renner, brining far more depth to their characters than in previous films. Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany, and Clark Gregg are just as good as Pepper Pots, JARVIS, and Agent Coulson. Loki is now not just a sympathetic character, but a real menace and now a much more violent and threatening character, I give a lot of credit to Tom Hiddleston for really getting into the role. Nick Fury is shown to be a darker character. Cobie Smulders  joins the cast as SHIELD agent Maria Hill, in a small supporting role. Mark Ruffalo is the best Bruce Banner to date, being a tortured, but sometime humorous character, topping the mediocre performances by Edward Norton and Eric Bana. Ruffalo is a close friend of Norton, and took over the Hulk role for any sequels to this film or of the Hulk franchise, as Norton could not because of disagreements with Marvel Studios. The transformation into the Hulk is delayed, but the suspense is always building, and the payoff when it happens is great. All the character interactions are brilliant, some are funny (Captain America and Iron Man), some are very frightening (Loki and Black Widow.) The soundtrack kicks ass, too. From the rousing and epic main theme by Alan Silvestri, to Soundgarden's rock single "Live to Rise" that was recorded for the credits, this soundtrack is awesome. The humor is the film is fantastic, on par with Iron Man's humor, and better than Thor's jokes. The jokes are hilarious, and come one after another. This and 21 Jump Street are the most times I've laughed in a theater in a while. The action in the film is fantastic, with awesome special effects and new costumes and looks (a new Iron Man suit, a new Steve Rogers costume, and the new look of the Hulk), and it's fast-paced, exciting, and spread out evenly throughout the film. If you want to see an even more in-depth look at the film, see Mathew Buck's "Projector" review on Blip-TV and That Guy with the Glasses.com. I've seen this film twice already, and I haven't had a cinema experience since The Dark Knight where I've wanted to see a film twice. I give Marvel's The Avengers a 5/5 stars. See this movie, it's fucking awesome!! (Review the entire film series first, as the film picks up with the characters already established).

Notes: Stan Lee makes a cameo near the end on a news report. Avi Arad makes a cameo as a German man who stands up to Loki early on in the film.
There are two post-credits scenes. (SPOILERS ahead) The first (after the first half of the credits), it shows the leader of the Skrull forces (voiced by Whedon collaborator Alexis Denisof) bowing to an unseen master, asking for forgiveness in his failure, as Earth fought back valiantly. He says challenging the Avengers again will "court death". The master turns to the screen, revealing himself to be unstoppable galactic supervillain Thanos. I just turned to my big brother and said "That's going to be fucking awesome." I realized it was 3 years to the next film and then said "Fuck it, it's worth the wait to see the Avengers go against the Skrull forces AND Thanos." The one after all the credits I will not spoil, cause I'll ruin a funny joke from the end fight.

This summer, I'll be review superhero films, shows, and all the films I see. So get ready. It's a Superhero (and everything else) Summer.

The Avengers Movies

This new review is in celebration of the Avengers film coming out tonight! This is a marathon of the Avengers-related movies that have come out in recent years. And no, I will not be covering the Lionsgate animated films: Invincible Iron Man, Dr. Strange, Ultimate Avengers, Ultimate Avengers 2, or Hulk Vs. But, my ratings on those are: Iron Man: 1/5. Dr. Strange: 2/5. Avengers: 2.5/5. Avengers 2: 3/5. and Hulk Vs.: 3/5. (Mild Spoilers Ahead!)

Hulk:

I know, this is not an Avengers franchise film, but Ang Lee's version of the big green monster is worthy of mention. A lot of people despise this film, I just can't understand why. I'm one of the few people (including top critics Roger Ebert and Peter Travers) who enjoy this film. I saw this movie with my older brother in 2003, at about age 4 or 5, and this movie was awesome!!!! He actually shielded my eyes from some of the more disturbing parts in the movie, but I'll get to that later. I remember it fondly, me and my family had just moved into our new house (old now), and I was in preschool, my brother was in high school, I was watching some cartoons and I was excited when my brother came in and asked if I was ready to see the movie. We went to the theater, and the film turned out to have little action, and heavy amounts of dialogue about psychological problems and other adult issues. The Hulk itself doesn't appear until later on in the film, about an hour in, but when he does, it's awesome. Sure, the special effects are a bit out-dated and cartoon-like, but in 2003, they looked amazing. Jennifer Connelly is good as Betty Ross, the Hulk's love interest and fellow scientist, who worries about Bruce Banner (Hulk)'s nightmares and problems. Sam Neill is excellent as General Thunderbolt Ross, Betty's militant father, who is a good-hearted, but tough man, who seeks to harvest the Hulk's power. Eric Bana is good, but a bit forgettable as the troubled Bruce Banner. He doesn't even speak as the Hulk the entire movie, not even a small "Hulk Smash" line. Josh Lucas is detestable as Glenn Talbot, a soldier who is well-liked by General Ross, but whom Betty finds cocky, and he's hated by Bruce. He starts out as the common movie douchebag, but then shows even more of a dark side, becoming a psychotic villain. Lucas gives a good performance, but unfortunately, Talbot does not go on to become Red Hulk, or (as in an early script draft said) become the Abomination. Nick Nolte gives a great performance as David Banner (named after the incarnation of Bruce in the old TV show), Bruce's father, who experimented with super serum in the 60's, and was hated by General Ross. He passed on the super serum to his son, and he caused some trauma in Bruce from an event that happened afterward. He is the combination of several characters: a loving father archetype, Brian Banner (Bruce's abusive father from the comics), Absorbing Man (when hit by gamma radiation, David gains the power to absorb all materials), Zzaxx (being an electrical being in the climax), and Hulk's nemesis The Leader (telekenisis). David becomes a villain in the end, fighting Bruce to the death. The film conveys several messages and themes that don't seem fit for a comic book film, but work well. The credits and film are heavily stylized, with comic book panels coming into frame, and the opening credits in the "Comic SANS" font. Ang Lee is not known for action films (besides Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), and was an odd choice to direct, but he delivered a well-made, psychological drama/action film.  The music is well done and creepy. It's done by Danny Elfman, and is hard to explain, you just have to hear it. Hulk has faults, but is definitely worth seeing. 4/5 stars.

Notes: By the way, Stan Lee (comics creator) makes a cameo early on in the film, when Bruce Banner as an adult first enters his science office building, and Lou Ferrigno (original TV Hulk) is in the same scene as a security guard.

Iron Man:

This is the film that started the Avengers franchise. Iron Man, aka Tony Stark, is a billionaire playboy weapons producer, when an accident in the middle east renders his heart injured, and he is forced to build weapons for terrorists, he builds an iron suit to help himself and a fellow captive escape, and realizes terrorists are getting a hold of his weapons. He builds an even more advanced suit, and sets out as superhero Iron Man. The film is modernized, with the 1960's Stark being captured in Vietnam, and the modern Stark being captured in Afghanistan. His fellow captive, Dr. Yinsen, played fantastically by Shaun Toub, was once Chinese, he is now middle-eastern. Jon Favreu (director of Swingers and Elf) was an odd choice to direct this film, but as soon as the bad-ass trailer came out, with the awesome-looking Iron Man costume, everyone knew this was a good movie. Back in the early 2000's, many comic book fans believed that only very popular characters like Spiderman, X-Men, Batman and Superman would be adapted into big-budget movies, as all other less popular heroes such as Daredevil, Constantine, Fantastic Four, Elektra, and Ghost Rider had all been failures with critics and at the box office. The only comic book films that did well at the box office who were not based on major characters were more adult films like Hellboy, The Crow, Blade, and Sin City. But, when people saw that less popular heroes like Iron Man would be given huge blockbuster films just like the previous heroes. A lot of people didn't like the casting of Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. I don't understand why, I mean, a fallen, drunken millionaire playing a drunken millionaire. Perfect casing choice. You can tell he's the only one for the role, and he's having the time of his life. He leads a grand life with tons of woman after him, having millions of dollars, being a super-genius, and a charming guy all around. He's changed into a hard-ass hero after incidents in Afghanistan leading to the Iron Man project. Downey's so good in the role, that, apparently, on the new Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes cartoon, the voice actor on Iron Man is doing a Downey impression. Gwyneth Paltrow is great as Pepper Potts, Stark's sexy, independent friend, a modern woman who would go out with Tony, if she wasn't doing his paperwork. Their chemistry onscreen makes you believe they've been friends a long time. Terence Howard is perfect as James Rhodes, Stark's best friend, an air force pilot, and the voice of reason (along with Pepper) for Tony. The ending alludes to his inevitable role as War Machine, Iron Man's partner, in the sequel. Jeff Bridges, as always, is great. He plays Tony's mentor and friend of Tony's now-deceased father, Obidiah Stane. Bridges goes from a lovable friend, to evil and threatening villain. Paul Bettany (Charles from A Beautiful Mind, Stephen from Master and Commander, and Silas from The DaVinci Code) is great as the voice of JARVIS, Stark's trusted butler from the comics, now revamped for the movie as his trusted AI computer who runs the house, being helpful and humorous. Shaun Toub plays Yinsen, a somewhat humorous character, who helps Stark escape the terrorists' lair. Other characters include Happy Hogan, Stark's bodyguard, who is played by director Jon Favreau, and Faran Tahir as Raza, a terrorist who captured Stark, with Clark Gregg as SHIELD agent Phil Coulson, and Leslie Bibb as sexy Vanity Fair reporter Christine Everheart. Musicians Tom Morello (who provided additional music scoring) and Ghostface Killah appear in cameos (Killah's was unfortunately cut from the theatrical film), as well as Mad Money's Jim Cramer appears as himself on TV, and Will Lyman also appears in a cameo as the narrator of Tony Stark's life story at an award ceremony in the film's opening. Peter Billingsley (best know as Ralphie from A Christmas Story, and as the director of Couples Retreat) makes a cameo as a scientist working for Stane, and also served as an executive producer on the film, being a friend of the director. The Iron Man process is a long and difficult one, with some comedy thrown in, but when Tony perfects the process, the movie goes into all-out action mode. The action scenes are directly out of a comic book. The musical score is pretty awesome, with a lock of hard rock influences in the main theme, as well as some classic rock tracks like "Back in Black" by AC/DC and "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath on the soundtrack as well. The special effects are done very well, taking a lot of effort, and looking very realistic. The special effects team even constructed a full-size Iron Man suit for some scenes. That's awesome. This is how all comic book movies should be. Iron Man is a classic in the superhero, action, and sci-fi/fantasy genres. 5/5 stars.

Notes: Stan Lee makes a cameo at a party, mistaken for Hugh Hefner. An agent of SHIELD, Coulson, talks to Pepper near the end of the film, after trying to consult with her several times during the film. Raza is the supposed head of a terrorist group which is indirectly referenced to be associated with the Ten Rings, the terrorist empire run by Stark's comic book nemesis The Mandarin.  Another little comic book tie-in is early on in the film, Stane refers to him and Tony as "iron mongers", which (SPOILERS) foreshadows the fact he becomes the villain Iron Monger in the film's climax. (SPOILERS) Nick Fury (who is played by Samuel L. Jackson, the actor who inspired Nick Fury) makes a cameo at the end credits, making it clear, that the Avengers are coming soon.

The Incredible Hulk:

This is a great action film. Where the first dealt with the psychological issues in the Hulk's universe, this film (in the Avengers universe) focuses on the action, and the Hulk appears very early on in the film. In this film, the Hulk accident is shown in the opening credits, and the main plot picks up several months later, with Banner on the run, working at a soda pop factory in Brazil. When some of his blood accidentally leaks into a soda bottle, and causes an old man to almost die, the military, led by General Ross, at the protests of Betty Ross, chase down the Hulk, arriving just in time to see Bruce turn into the Hulk during a street fight, and escape the area. This sequence is done well, not revealing the Hulk, keeping him hidden in shadows and mist. The Hulk meets up with scientist Samuel Sterns (the film hints at him becoming The Leader in the sequel) and Betty Ross to help him escape the military and control the Hulk, maybe even create a cure. Edward Norton is not the definitive Hulk, but is a good actor, and does a great job conveying the Hulk's conflicting emotions. William Hurt is not as good as Sam Elliot, but does a good job as General Ross, as he wants to capture the Hulk, but he is conflicted, as he may lose his daughter in the process. Betty Ross is portrayed adequately by Liv Tyler, who, again, isn't as good as the previous actress, but does a good job. The best performance by far is Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky, the main villain of the film. In the comics, Emil is Russian, and in this film, he is a Russian-born solider who was brought to the UK, and is on loan to Ross from their Marines. Instead of Josh Lucas' asshole psychopath who conceals his true evil, Blonsky shows signs of evil from the start. It's like "Hey Ross, you know the guy with violent tendencies and outbursts, why not give him the job of leading a squad to capture the Hulk? Or better yet, give him a Hulk-like super serum." But, he gives a great menacing performance as Blonsky, and although he looks different from the comics, when he becomes Abomination, it's still awesome. On the subject of Abomination, the CG on both him and Hulk is fantastic, less cartoony than the first, and more proportioned and realistic. The action scenes, like in Iron Man are well made, exciting, and just like a comic book. Louis Leterrier is a great choice to direct. I mean, he directed The Transporter, Transporter 2 and Clash of the Titans. The action, CG, and acting are great. The Incredible Hulk may not have the smarts of the original, but it does have a lot of entertainment value, as well as kick-ass action scenes. 4/5 stars.

Notes: Stan Lee makes a cameo as the old man who drinks Hulk blood in soda early on in the film. Lou Ferrigno appears, yet again, as a security guard. Tony Stark talks to General Ross about the Avengers at the very end of the film. There is also another Avengers tie-in. In the comics, Blonsky becomes Abomination by exposing himself to twice the Gamma radiation of the Hulk, giving him twice the strength and stamina of the Hulk. This was changed by giving Blonsky some Captain America-like super serum, and then fusing it with Bruce's blood.

Iron Man 2:

The sequel, although not as good as the first, is a very good movie. Jon Favreu returns to direct this bigger and more action-packed sequel. In this film, the magnet keeping the deadly shrapnel from entering Tony Stark's heart is failing, and he must find or create a new element to keep himself alive. Meanwhile, he is losing popularity in the public eye, and the agency SHIELD is keeping a close eye on him. A new threat, Ivan Vanko, aka Whiplash (combination of two villains: Whiplash and Crimson Dynamo), is trying to get revenge on Tony, as his father is dead, whose ideas were "stolen" by Tony's father. Meanwhile, Tony is trying to figure out a secret message his father left him, his father never paying much attention to Tony. So, there's a lot of plot-lines, and the film piles on the action. From cool chase scenes in the air, to explosions, gunfights, killer robots, electric death suit, new Iron Man costumes (including a portable suitcase suit), fist-fights, and a fight between War Machine and Iron Man, this film has even more set pieces than the first. The original cast, minus Terence Howard and Jeff Bridges, are back and just as good. Tony's character develops, becoming depressed at one point, and being uplifted by the secret message his dad left him.  I'm going to focus on the new characters.. Nick Fury is just as cool, and has more of a major role. Scarlett Johansson is good as Natasha Ramanoff, aka Black Widow. There are scenes that are just blatant fan-service, but, besides that, she's good, but she's a bit too robotic, almost like the perfect killing machine (a good example of a bad-ass girl done right is Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who is bad-ass, but is still bubbly and happy, and like a real person). Sam Rockwell (originally cast as Iron Man before Downey stepped in) as Stark's younger business rival, Justin Hammer, is fantastic. To make the film more original, Hammer is no longer a senile old businessman, but an egotistical, rich, young fool. Rockwell stays true to character, while bringing in his trademark mannerisms and goofy charm, which elevate above a typical douchebag bad guy. Don Cheadle is pretty good as War Machine. He has a more action hero feel to him than Terence Howard, but I prefer Howard despite both men having great acting skills. But what's somewhat distracting is that the two actors don't have similar skin tones, War Machine goes from light brown to dark brown in one movie. But, if you really get into the movie, it's not really that distracting. Cheadle lives up to Howard's role, but at the same time brings something new to the table. The War Machine suit is as cool as Iron Man, and is improved, with a Gatling gun on the soldier, and heavier battle armor. Where the film really shines is in Mickey Rourke as Ivan Vanko. Based on two Iron Man villains: Anton Vanko's Whiplash and Crimson Dynamo, this character is a nearly emotionless monster. He only shows emotion after a mental break down when his dad dies. Afterward, he is a cold, brutal killer. He teams up with Justin Hammer, but betrays the young millionaire, building a suit for himself so he can fight Iron Man. Funny that Rourke and Downey are in the same film. The Blockbuster Buster has already made this point (watch his YouTube videos on the Avengers films), that Rourke and Downey both had great films, but then their careers died out in a mess of alcoholism and drugs. And then, their careers skyrocketed upward when they starred in bug-budget comic book movies. It makes sense they're fighting each other in a comic book movie. Here's some other cast members: Paul Bettany reprises his role as JARVIS, and Clark Gregg and Leslie Bibb reprise their roles. John Slattery appears in a cameo role as Howard Stark, and Garry Shandling appears as a US Senator who hates Tony Stark. Olivia Munn makes a cameo as a reporter, Kate Mara (an underrated actress often confused for Isla Fisher and Anna Kendrick) makes a cameo as a government employee, and Bill O'Reilly, Christiane Amanpour, Larry Ellison, Adam Goldstein, and Tanoai Reed appear in cameos. The musical score is just as good, and even more rock songs like "Shoot to Thrill" and "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC, and "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen make it into the film. The CG is even better, with more of it needed because of the comic book-like action scenes. Iron Man 2 is just awesome. 4/5 stars.

Notes: Stan Lee plays himself in a small cameo, mistaken for Larry King in one scene. A small comic-book tie-in is that War Machine is never mentioned by named, rather Tony calls him that during a brawl between the two, similar to how Stane referred to himself as an "iron monger" indirectly in the first film. The Avengers tie-ins are obvious (Mild Spoilers Ahead), as several characters from The Avengers star in the film. Tony's new element he creates is made from a power of Odin (Thor's father).  The end credits scene is one of the best stinger endings ever. SHIELD agent Coulson pulls up to a massive, crowded crater. Coulson calls his boss, presumably Nick Fury, and says he "found it". The camera pans down slowly, and we see a quick flash of Thor's mighty hammer. Also, while working with Tony in his lab in the second act, Coulson looks inside a box Tony's dad left for him, and finds what appears to be a half-finished prototype of the Captain America shield. Knowing that Tony's dad supposedly worked on a Captain America project, Coulson (revealed in a later film to be a huge Cap. America fan) says "Do you know what this is?!" and Tony takes one look at it and goes "It's just what I need!", and then uses it to hold up part of a machine, which seems to upset Coulson.

Well, I'm seeing the Avengers tonight, so I'll be picking up on the blog tomorrow, with Thor, Captain America: First Avenger, and, the big event: The Avengers.

The Pirates! review

My next review: The new Aardman film based on Gideon Dafoe's The Pirates! books, (the first two to be exact), starring Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, Jeremy Piven, Imelda Staunton, Selma Hayek, Brendan Gleeson, and David Tennant.

The Pirates! Band of Misfits:

The cast are very good in their roles. The voice cast are great,with several famous British actors, Hugh Grant (Love Actually, Bridget Jones, About A Boy), Brendan Gleeson (Harry Potter, Troy, In Bruges, 28 Days Later, Braveheart, The Treaty, Gangs of New York), Imelda Staunton (Harry Potter, Vera Drake), and David Tennant (Harry Potter, Dr. Who), and several actors that are to make the film more marketable to American audiences like Jeremy Piven (Entourage) and Selma Hayek (From Dusk Till Dawn, Desperado, Frida). Wow, a lot of actors from Harry Potter. The plot follows a pirate crew (no names mentioned) trying to win the Pirate of the Year Award, presented by "The Pirate King". They are made fun of for being stupid, and bad at looting. They then accidentally raid the ship of Charles Darwin, who reveals their pet parrot "Polly" is actually a rare dodo species. They then try to win a science award, while avoiding the psychotic, pirate-hating Queen Victoria. The film is full of subtle humor, in fact, in the words of Mathew Buck of "Projector" on That Guy with the Glasses and Blip-TV, "Black Adder-esque". (I recommend watching his review). The humor is also very British humor, and goes for being subtle, rather than the way American films go for toilet humor. The sets and animation are great, obviously taking a long while, as Aardman's been working on this film for years. The inclusion of Charles Darwin is avoided in all ads, because many fundamental Christians will probably not take their kids. In fact, the ads make the film seem like it has no plot. The UK title and the original book title is The Pirates! In an adventure with scientists, so are Americans just intolerant of movies about scientists? Mathew Buck also made a great point about changing titles: what's gonna happen if they make a sequel, based on The Pirates! In an adventure with communists? (Yes, that's a real book, the third book in the series.) Also, the leprosy community, yes, there's a leprosy community, got upset about jokes made about the disease in the trailer and film. Get over it people, this is worse than the hyena controversy from The Lion King. All in all, the direction, animation, subtle humor, and great cast makes The Pirates! worth the watch! 3/5 stars.

April films.

Hello Readers, this is a list of the big April and March films I have seen, I'm a bit late on most of them, so, sorry. These will be in chronological order.

21 Jump Street:

Based off the old 1980's television crime drama series, starring Johnny Depp, this version obviously takes itself less seriously. This version stars comedian Jonah Hill, and teenage-girl heartthrob Channing Tatum. They star as two new graduates from the police academy, who were enemies in high school, who bond like brothers in the academy, as Tatum teaches Hill how to pass athletic exams, while Hill helps Tatum ace the written tests. They are put on the job of going undercover in a high school to stop a drug dealer from selling the students a strange drug that causes the students to trip out and die. Now, the two become popular at the high school, and become absorbed in the high school life. They must try to put their new lives aside in order to stop the drug smuggling, but can they? I find it distasteful to ruin the best moments in the film for those of you who haven't seen it. All I have to say, is all of the jokes are hilarious, and non-stop. They just throw one joke after the other, many are obvious, some are more subtle. Just when you try to catch your breath from laughing so hard, they hit you with an even funnier joke. Jonah Hill is just as hilarious as ever, and Channing Tatum is also, surprisingly very humorous. The best part is how straight the characters play it,there must have been countless hours of bloopers, because, I can't imagine trying to keep a straight face for most of these jokes. If you haven't seen 21 Jump Street, do it fast. It's one of the funniest comedies since The Hangover, and the funniest I've seen since last year's Horrible Bosses. 5/5 stars.

The Hunger Games:

One of the best films I've seen in a while. Not as good as 1984, and nowhere near as dark, this teen-action-drama still manages to be disturbing and very intriguing. The cast of young actors, including the talented Jennifer Lawrence, do a great job, and some older actors, such as Woody Harrelson, are fantastic. The dirty, Orwellian district life to the flamboyant, Schumacher-esque, strange utopia of the Capitol is a drastic change. All the obstacles faced by the chosen participants, from psychotic enemies, sadistic hunters, genetically altered animals, and rigged traps, are terrifying. The actors have realistic responses to all of the situations. Unfortunately, several actions scenes suffer from the same thing as Batman Begins and Cloverfield, way too much shakey-cam. A little shaking is okay, too make the action intense, but was the camera man having a seizure? Nonetheless, the powerful performances and great writing and direction make The Hunger Games a must-see. 3/5 stars.

Mirror-Mirror:

From Tarsem Singh, director of Immortals and The Cell, comes another visually amazing but very dull and boring movie, that is just about an hour long. Tarsem makes very stylistic movies, with amazing visuals, that have a very synthetic look to them, but that's the style he goes for. In this film the visuals are great, and the dwarves are played by great little-people actors, including Danny Woodburn (Watchmen) and Martin Klebba (Pirates of the Caribbean). The other actors, not so much. I'm sorry, Julia Roberts does not work as a villain, she's just too sweet. The prince and Snow White, are played by, my god, I can't even remember the actors they're so bland, they're more boring and dull than a Disney romance. Now, you may be asking yourself, how in the hell did you get dragged to see this piece of shit? Well, me and my friend Josiah and his brother were going to see John Carter, but my theater posted online it was leaving the theater that Thursday (it was a Wednesday), but they said they pulled it early. We decided, since Josiah hadn't seen 21 Jump Street, that it was worth a second watch. The douche bag who was taking the tickets wouldn't let us in, because Josiah, being 25, me being 15, wasn't my parent. I explained the R-rating doesn't specify parental guidance, but the guy said it's their "company policy" and pussied out, because he could get fired. So, we previewed the flick for Josiah's little brother, to see if it was any good. All we had to say is "I haven't seen a movie that made me laugh that hard in a while." We weren't laughing at the corny jokes either. That's how bad it was, the moment it begun we knew it was stupid. The film doesn't even take itself seriously. Don't even try to see it for the visuals, it's not worth it. It's a beautiful looking apple, that's actually rotten to the core. 1/5 stars.

The Cabin in the Woods:

This is one of my favorite films this year, one of my personal favorite horror films of recent years. Why? Well, geeky fanboys Drew Goddard (director of Cloverfield) and Joss Whedon (director of The Avengers and creator of Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) are witty, and don't take the situation too seriously. There are tons of hilarious jokes and homages to other films in this movie. It makes fun of and pays tribute to horror movies, cliches, and characters. My favorite scenes are in the climax, but, the film is paced well, and has some massive amounts of gore. I'm not going to spoil the plot, it's almost impossible to discuss the film without spoiling it, all I can say is: WOW! Chris Helmsworth is better than he was in Thor, and I thought he did great in that! I can't remember the name, but whoever played the stoner, he's hilarious, he looks and sounds just like Shaggy. Sigourney Weaver makes a nice cameo. Whenever you get the chance, if you're a film fan or horror fan, see this film!! 5/5 stars.

The Raven:
 Finally, we come to a film I just say two days ago. Edgar Allen Poe must stop a killer basing brutal murders on his own work, with his fiancee's life on the line. John Cusack is surprisingly good as the tortured, drunken Edgar Allen Poe. Without work, Poe is broke, and wants to marry the love of his life, who is also the daughter of a rich man who despises Poe, played by Brendan Gleeson (Mad Eye Moody). The film has a large British cast, despite being set in Baltimore. The traps set up by the killer, similar to Jigsaw, but based off Poe's works, are very cool and intriguing, but upon further though, seem unrealistic and silly. The actors to an adequate job, but still, I could've gone for better casting, especially for Poe. John Cusack pulls off the job. For those expecting an action-packed, gory thriller, this is not the film for you. The action is low, and the deaths, saving for the "Pit and the Pendulum" scene, are not all that gory. Most of the film is solving a mystery, and the traps are nowhere near as cool as the ones in Saw. The film is pretty good, but is directed by James McTeigue, director of V for Vendetta. As with that, the film has low action, but some good dialogue. That film, while straying a little away from the book, still is better than this. 3/5 stars.

In a few weeks, I'll have some videos on The Avengers and Dark Shadows, I'll also be posting reviews of those films and The Pirates! Band of Misfits very soon.